So for the past half a year or so, I have been questioning my gender identity. It started at the beginning of the school year when after looking at my female body I realized how much better my body looked without breasts. However, I immediately dismissed it as more than being a lesbian and being tomboyish. But then, my hate for the upper half of my body grew. I could not stop thinking about how bad I looked with breasts. It grew to the point where I can't even look at myself in the mirror without cringing or wanting to cry. But the thing is, I have never felt this before. I had tried binding in the past when I first realized my dysphoria, but didn't continue as it didn't feel relevant. But it has gotten really bad, to the point where now I feel uncomfortable even looking down at myself with a shirt on I never really had much bottom dysphoria, but honestly I don't really care whether I have male or female genitalia, but I have a slight preference to the male side of things. I have started binding every day now with three sports bras (I know the precautions and am dong so safely. I cannot get a real binder because my mom has shown signs of transphobia) and it's helped a lot. But my main question is, why did it just start now? I never felt that bad about myself in previous years, so why only this school year? I guess looking back in the past I never really was a girly girl. I did go through a short phase because of a youtuber I liked but moved away from it after I realized that wasn't me. I hate when my mom tries to put me in a dress or any girly clothes; I'd much prefer jeans and a large shirt or a suit. I really want top surgery as well. However, in most transgender cases I know of, the dysphoria started when the person was very young. Is it normal to start this late in life?
Hey there! Yes, this is actually very common, believe it or not. Some people don't start experiencing dysphoria or questioning their identities until their 30s, 50s, or even 70s. True, most people experience dysphoria before they even been growing really and others know by the time their teens, but some people don't get it until they hit puberty or until something just clicks with them. Plus dysphoria comes in many forms. You have top and bottom as you've mentioned, and it sounds like to me you might have a mild case of social dysphoria, but not all trans guys are masculine. Some are actually quite feminine. How I interpreted this when I started out in the trans community was how you emotionally and mentally connect or disconnect with your body or assigned gender. However, as I was saying, dysphoria can show itself to you without knowing or just come on suddenly (but if you're still in school like middle or high school and just went through puberty, this could explain why you're experiencing now that your body has grown into the typical female body with the breasts.) Although I would say your previous inclination to bind your breasts was a sign of dysphoria and if you're disinclined toward anything you deemed girly, that could be another personal sign for you. Obviously it's come back and you're growing very displeased with it. Which is totally normal, as I'm going through this right now. However, it's unsafe to use three sports bras even with precautions. It can cause damage to your ribs, chafe and blister sometimes even scar your skin if it gets cut, and it can also restrit your breathing. Sometimes you won't even know what damage is being done until after it's done. Since you can't get your mom to help you out, maybe if you have any possible way to earn money yourself, go out and buy an amazon gift card and try to get a breast binder off Amazon. If you can't do this, you could probably research safer ways to bind, but also if you can get to any GSA at your school or a local support group somewhere somehow, they might be able to help you. I personally don't know much about it myself, but there's also a binder exchange thing you can look into. Best of luck.
The media highlights people who "start young" for a lot of reasons but they are hardly the norm. Most kids and up until recently young adults lacked language and context to understand thier dissatisfaction with their body or assigned gender roll, they might know they wish to be the other gender but if they don't know that's an option and they may not make any connection until they are exposed to transgender people the media or IRL. It's no surprise that many people don't experience strong dysphoria until later in life, It makes sense that once you start to better understand your feelings you are able to process them and that brings them to the foreground.
Thank you for replying! Since stumbling upon a compression sports bra my mom had, I have started using only two bras instead of three to help, as that is said to be okay as long as you take precautions. However I am looking very much into getting a binder of my own soon once I have more money and my friend has been really helpful through the whole ordeal, as she said she would help me in whatever way she could. Thank you for the insight, it's really helped me out a lot!
I am glad to hear that you have a supportive friend and that I could help. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!
Is the dysphoria just about your chest? I think it should be said that LOTS of cis women hate the way their chest looks. Do you hate it because you want it to look male or because you want it to look not female? Tbh It's very possible it started simply because you paid attention to it and began perceiving a problem. the more you focus on a perceived flaw, the more helpless it can make you feel. Idk it just seems to me like mostly you just don't like the appearance of your chest and you're just kind of loosely tacking on some thoughts like, "well, yeah I sorta want to be a guy I guess." Only you can decide if you feel that you are trans in the end but it seems to me like you are having dissonance as to whether or not this has anything to do with your identity itself.
The dysphoria is mainly on my chest but I have had phantom feelings of male genitalia as well. That doesn't really mean much, but I feel I would be much more comfortable in a male's body. I am also uncomfortable with being associated with females and being called by those pronouns or my real name.
I didn't start experiencing dysphoria until I was about 16 or 17. I think it's likely that I experienced it before then and just didn't realize, but I will never be completely sure. What's more important is that I know for a fact that I have it now, and I know that I'm trans now. It doesn't really matter whether I had dysphoria when I was younger. The same goes for you. It's pretty common to not realized you have dysphoria until you're a bit older (and for the dysphoria to get much worse once you do start noticing and thinking about it), and it's also not unheard of to just not have dysphoria before a certain age. Definitely sounds like you're trans to me. You've got pretty much the textbook definition of dysphoria, both physical and social. You've identified yourself as a trans guy on your profile and that's consistent with what you've described so if it feels right to you, it probably is right.
