I think I might be genderfluid, and the idea of a friend of mine being genderfluid doesn't bother me at all, but for some reason thinking I might be genderfluid really bothers me. I'm quiet attached to my lesbian identity (that was a whole coming out battle and I had to get attached to it with my homophobic family), and my partner, who is one of the three people I've talked to about this (the other two are gay teachers at my school), has already told me that I can't identify as a lesbian if I'm not a girl. Can anyone help me work through this?
You can identify as whatever you want. Genderfluid lesbian? Why not? There is a term called gynesexual, which means sexual attraction to girls/people with vaginas, but I personally have never liked that term much. But it's your choice. You can identify as whatever you want. It's not your partner's decision what you choose to label yourself as, or if you choose to label yourself at all.
I guess to me it would depend on your definition of lesbian and your definition of girl. If two cis-gendered girls (humans with vaginas) are in a relationship, they would most likely be called lesbians. If one of them is bisexual or pansexual or genderfluid or whatever, they can still be identified as lesbians if that is what they want. I could see how your girlfriend would have a problem if you wanted to get surgery to change your sexual organs, but since that isn't what you have expressed in this forum post, I don't see the issue. Identify however you want. Good luck!
Yeah, actually, my partner (biologically female) is questioning their gender identity. They even identified as transgender for a couple of months before going back to using their birth name and they/their pronouns. They think they might be somewhere in the middle but they are still figuring things out. I don't have a strong desire to physically transition, nor would that be possible for me because of medical issues. For a few months though, they were convinced they were going to eventually transition to male, which was difficult for me to hear but I dealt with it because I wanted them to be happy. So I'm going to be a little frustrated if they would have a problem with me doing to same thing. I think I would have an easier time accepting my gender identity if my name weren't so feminine. I picked out a gender neutral name (which I've only told my partner) and they said they liked it but that they thought it was too feminine. It was originally a boy's name and historically a person with that name is 25% more likely to be a boy, but it is possible that it's become feminized in the last decade or so. I'm also kind of sad to see my old name go. It's what people have called me my whole life, so it's a part of all my favorite memories. Can anyone relate?
I feel you so much on the name thing! I feel very much 'stuck with' the name I have - I grew up quite attached to my name, and I'm just sad that it's very far from gender-neutral so stating my name immediately flips the balance from 'this is a guy/i'm not sure of this person's gender' to 'ah, a girl' in strangers' heads. (Honestly, I've had occasions where you can practically SEE it flip.) It's a big enough struggle just changing a long-term username on a website for me, moving away from my existing name when I have so much history with it feels like it would be really hard even despite the benefits. And seriously, ignore anyone who says you can't be genderfluid and call yourself a lesbian. It's always felt like a significant part of my identity as well, and no matter what weird tricks my gender feels like pulling on any given day, I like girls and I can call myself a lesbian if I so choose! And so can you. There is a lot of label policing out there at the moment, but my advice would just be to put that aside and use what feels comfortable and appropriate for you.
I'm genderfluid and I identify as a lesbian. My sexuality, for me personally and not necessarily anyone else, is strongly attached to my physical body. And my sex is female, and I feel pretty exclusively attracted to people of similar gender presentation to myself, so... I'm a lesbian! The lesbian identity came before the genderfluid one, or I'd probably have chosen my terms differently. But, they're mine now, and they've been part of me for a long time. I'm very attached to being a lesbian.
