Am I Trans?

There's no real way to explain to another person if they are or aren't transgender, but I can say you can identify as male and still wear eyeliner and have medium long hair. In most situations that I hear about, most people in the transgender community (that I've heard about) typically prefer their gender expression to match their gender identity. Your eyeliner and medium hair can be seen as feminine qualities, but you can still be a male. How you identify has to do with your feelings and not always how you express yourself. For example, there are plenty of feminine cis-men but they identify as men nonetheless.

That being said, does dressing as masculine just make you feel more masculine or make you feel like a guy? If it makes you feel like a guy, are you comfortable with that feeling and prefer this over feeling feminine/girly? How does being feminine/girly make you feel? Good? Bad? Icky? Wrong?

In my case, dressing in typical male clothes made me feel manly and it was so much better than when I felt girly even though I didn't feel feminine much at all growing up. I know, that's probably not the best explanation.

But you can also consider what all makes you think you're possibly transgender. Do you like the idea of being called a he? Do you see your future self as a guy or girl? Do you experience any form of dysphoria, sort of like intense insecurities and disliking for your breasts or vagina? Ever struggled with body issues but couldn't really pinpoint why or what it was that was bothering you?

Another example from my own life, growing up I accepted myself as a girl because I thought I had to, but I just felt... wrong, different. I thought everybody went through this, but it got worse the older I got, then I stumbled on what transgender meant and connected with me almost instantly.

As for your girlfriend, many people say as she does at first, but if you decide later on you're truly a man instead of a girl, you can try explaining to her what this all means to you. Being transgender would be a vital part of your whole life if you choose to act on it, and if she can't accept that then she's not accepting you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you have to keep in mind you're 16 and still young. Which also means she young and might not get this whole thing and/or it'll scare her. Some people can work through this, others can't, but you shouldn't let her possibly leaving you keep you from discovering who you are and, if you think you'll be happier, being openly male instead of female. If you try to suppress this, it could be emotionally catastrophic eventually. And suppression is different than being out.

I'm not saying to just forget her or exclude her from your questioning process. No, not at all, but I'm saying to keep in mind that sometimes you have to let people you love go if it means being happy with yourself or just being yourself, and like I said, you're still young. If she stays with you that's amazing, but if not, remember almost everybody loses their first love. Again, I apologize if I sound harsh. But I'm also not an expert on dating.

However, if you have specific questions and/or examples to give me more insight as to what you're feeling/thinking and going through, I could possibly provide more help.

 

It is certainly important to take the lives and feelings of others into consideration when making a life changing decision. It is a beautiful thing that you are so torn between losing her, and being yourself. I know it is painful, but the sentiment behind it is actually lovely.

That being said, I think you need to decide that sort of thing for yourself. It would not really be fair to you to go on living in discomfort, or pain, for the sake of keeping someone around.

Honestly, it is not fair to her. She is with you believing you are one person. If you truly think that is not who you are, then she is being deceived, unintentionally of course. I am certainly not accusing you of deliberately lying to her.

The important thing is that you really give every possibility a fair chance. There are plenty of women out there that have masculine personalities, but they are still women. Are you 100% sure that you are not reading more into your personality than is actually warranted? I am only suggesting that you ask yourself questions like that before making any final decisions.

It really seems like these days, every time a girl has a traditionally masculine thought, the whole world starts shouting trans and dysphoria. I am not saying that those terms do not apply to you. I am just saying they do not have to. You can be a masculine girl. There are plenty of masculine girls out there. Be sure that you are not letting anyone manipulate (intentionally or unintentionally) your thoughts and decisions. Be entirely honest without yourself about the whole thing.

I really want to reiterate this. You have every right in the world to choose who you want to be. You can be trans, or you can be a girl that acts more like a guy. Either way, you are a beautiful person. You don't have to be a guy if you like being a girl, and you can be trans if you want to. I cannot stand the way society seems to make people feel pressured into changing themselves. You are already beautiful, MissConfusion. Make sure you start believing that before making a decision.

 

^I agree with what funn said and it's SO important. You don't have to transition just because you felt like a guy once. And if it really truly is something you need, life will reflect that for you in how you feel. Trust yourself and your body. you don't need anyone to tell you who or what you are, that comes from inside.

 

It's a "you just know" feeling that is inherent or takes an amount of soul searching. It's not a test you have to pass or some sort of approval process by others.

 

I doubt you're transgender. It's fine to like masculine things and be a girl. A lot of people have gender identity issues in their teens, it's pretty unlikely. Unless you feel like you need to transition, I'd advise you don't.

 

Reading through everyone else's responses, I'm beginning to realize the importance of multiple perspectives because these are all true! I can't believe I left some of this out, but then my mind runs faster than it should. But yeah, it's ultimately up to you, but don't feel pressured to be something or another because you're more masculine than most. That is totally okay.

But if you're really that concerned about it, try not to stress about it as much. It's a lot harder to do than not, I know, but if you take a backseat and do whatever comes naturally, you'll find out more about yourself than you'd think. And if in the end you don't really know, you can just say you're genderfluid or genderless for the heck of it. Or just go without labels. It only matters to you based on how much you care about it.

 

listen, if someone isn't going to accept you for who you truly are, they don't deserve you and all of your wonderful qualities.

 

This has been an eye-opening few weeks for me, personally.

I've read this thread twice now. Earlier today, I would have posted something like what arieltyler did (and I thought I did but I guess not) and thought, "well, I'm glad to be my birth gender and just dress girly". It's been a pink weekend!

Then I had to go to somewhere quickly tonight and ugh, put on cargo shorts and a t-shirt and some new sneakers and I was felt total dysphoria in the waiting line. I would have rather worn a cami in there and had people stare at me. I'm sure I looked ok but the feeling surprised me