Okay. So I've only identified as transgender within the last three months, but already feel passionately different about myself and have made a lot changes and began my transition process - I've began enforcing male pronouns and my new name (and some days are better than others on this). The issue is my dysphoria, socially and physically, is getting progressively worse. It's like I had body and social issues prior to my acknowledgement and whereas some things no longer are concerns, so many other problems are spiraling at me. So here's my main problems: Problem One: For as long as I can remember I've always been chubby and the older I got, the more weight I put on. Recently after struggling with lifestyle changes, I've started to lose weight as planned. I've lost about 15 pounds or almost 7kg, and I've already seen some differences. While I'm happy about the weight lost, I'm becoming more and more concerned about the feminine curves. I hadn't noticed them prior because I've always felt unfeminine and more like I was broadly built despite being a midget, but I'm becoming scared of losing weight despite the health benefits in doing this because I don't want my curves to become more prominent and that'll make it harder to pass publicly I believe. Espeically since I can't afford a binder yet. :tears: Which brings me to problem two. Some days are worst than others, but I live in a small income household and I've been wearing only one worn out sports bra the past month because it's the flatter look I can get, but it's still not enough and the other bras just make my chest bigger, which obviously isn't what I'm going for. This has been upsetting me significantly since I cannot yet afford one and I don't know when I can. And my current size is a concern and when I start losing weight, if I have a binder by then, I'd need to get another one and I'd have to wait again to be able to afford a second one. Being a midget at my size actually gives me the benefit of finding shirts to help me pass more appropriately at times because you can only find shirts too small or too big, and if I just wear black jeans/shorts or shorts, I pass okay except for my breasts. I'm becoming super self-conscious about it and I don't know how to deal with it. And if I start losing weight, they'll become more noticeable and it'll be harder for me to find affordable clothes that can help me conceal my feminine body. And these aren't even all my problems, but I think I made this much too long anyhow. Can anyone help me at all, especially with dealing with dysphoria and the concerns for passing? Or how to handle my breasts until I get a binder? :tears::tears::tears:
Sometimes dysphoria gets worse the closer you get to fully transitioning. That's something I have to deal with each day at work. However we all have issues we dislike about ourselves. I hate my chin, the least feminine part I inherited from my mom. Wish I had my own breasts and hair. But we deal with what we have. Your job is to accentuate your most masculine qualities. Don't fret over the feminine. I bring out my eyes and cheekbones the most I can and accessorize the best I can or wear A line dresses and skirts to look like I have hips. You need to wear lose clothing in some parts. Or get a filler type deal to get rid of an hourglass curve around your waist. Also, you need to own it. Don't let others hold you back. If you own your own self appearance and confidence people don't question you.
Lifting weights really helped me with my dysphoria. I'd recommend focusing on building your triceps/chest/shoulders with whatever you have available. Push ups will help with your chest, shoulders, and biceps or triceps depending on how you do them. Tricep dips, planks, pike shoulder presses, and tricep extensions are all good if you have no equipment. (Man 101: The Brutally Honest FTM Guide or just look up "men's workout on YouTube) As for binding, I'd recommend trying to get a makeshift one and wearing two shirts. You can cut the top off of an old one-piece swimsuit if you have one, and wear that. Or make one from pantyhose/tights: Fuck Yeah Binders! | Review on the pantyhose/Charles binding: Camisole: Close your eyes and light a match. Here are some add'l resources for binding: Hudson's Guide: FTM Binding Transgender Teen Survival Guide • Posts Tagged ‘binding’ Man 101: The Brutally Honest FTM Guide
You guys are amazing. These pointers are really helpful honestly. I know some seem like common sense, but when you start worrying so much, common sense doesn't exist. But I'll definitely check out those links baconpox and keep in mind that particular exercise goal/regimen. Again, many thanks to the both of you, and I'll try my best to work on my confidence Kasey and own my look. Confidence is a difficult thing for me, but it's slowly been improving. Again, thanks!
