1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

gender identity questions

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Rawrr, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. Rawrr

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Quebec
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    hi,
    In the past few months, I have started questioning my gender identity. Even though I know no one can tell me what my identity is, I'd like to have opinions and advice. The reason why I am confused is because I always knew what being trans meant, but I never considered it for myself until recently. I use to be in an all girls high school and I always felt different. When I graduated, I started hanging out mostly with guys and enjoyed it, as if I had finally found people I relate to. The thing is I never felt the urge to dress like a man, or even be one. I feel I relate more to men in general and feel more comfortable around them, like my thought process is much more typically masculine than feminine. but I don't have body or gender dysphoria. Growing up I was a tomboy, but I also remember being excited with the idea of having curves and breast one day. I have always enjoyed my sex life as a woman, but I don't feel I fit the role of a caring, maternal mother. I feel like I fit no gender, but I don't mind identifying as a woman or when others refer to me as a ''she''.
    Does identifying with men and feel like I think more like a man than woman mean I could be trans? Could it be possible that one day I develop some sort of dysphoria about my body because of this?
    Also, I have big anxiety issues and this is causing a lot of distress because I always had a very clear idea of who I was until I started questioning this and I'm having trouble dealing with this newly found ambiguity about myself. Maybe I'm just creating a problem where there isn't any as a result of this anxiety, like I have in the past.
    Any opinion on my case is greatly appreciated,
    Thank you!
     
    #1 Rawrr, Feb 1, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2016
  2. InfinityonHigh

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2015
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oregon
    If you're 100% comfortable identifying as and being perceived as female, then you'r probably not trans. Being trans means that your gender identity does not 100% align with the one you were assigned at birth. It doesn't have to do with not fitting into gender stereotypes.
     
  3. AaronV

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2015
    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Berlin (Germany)
    Gender:
    Male
    To be quite honest, you said that you never have the urge to live as a man (or be one) and don't mind identifying as a woman. Those where the key sentences that made me think you might just simply be a woman who prefers the company of men and doesn't fit the narrow description of a housewife. There is nothing wrong with that.
     
  4. DRex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2015
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Phoenix, Arizona
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey, lots of women like expressing themselves in a more masculine way. You strike me as more of a tomboy than anything else.

    Also, one of my best friends in college was a lesbian who preferred dressing in masculine outfits most of the time, but still felt perfectly comfortable as female and wouldn't have it any other way.
     
  5. Eil19

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kingston
    Hi,
    I am confuse too with what i want ever since age 19 i had these feelings for girls but i had never been with one only just to kiss. As soon as i get close to a girl my heart start beating so fast i can hardly move then i get that feelings like i am scared but still want that person to touch me. Can some one tell me if they ever felt that way?
     
  6. DemiGrrl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've felt a lot of what you describe for a long time - basically all of my life (I turn 42 next month).

    I have never felt like my sense of my girlness/womanness was in any way in sync with the way other women express themselves. I've always felt more in tune with the masculine things in this world, and I struggle to relate to feminine things. When I dress in feminine ways, I feel uncomfortable, like I'm wearing a mask or a costume. (I mean uncomfortable, like it makes my skin crawl.) I dress somewhat androgynously at work, tilting slightly towards the feminine because I have to, but the minute I get home, I change into cargo pants and a henley shirt, and plop a ballcap on my head.

    My interests veer towards what society deems masculine, and everything else being equal, I'd rather be around/among men. I feel like I relate to men better than I relate to women. (I relate best to gay men, which at some level makes sense.) I've been told I don't think like a woman, and in large part, I think that's true.

    But I don't feel 100% male, either. For example, I love getting pedicures, though I paint my nails in shades of blue, purple or green. (Pink nails? EEEK. So not my style.)

    Bottom line: I feel like my gender is a combination of male and female, not wholly one or the other. That said, I don't have any real desire to remake my body, physically, into a male form. I'm okay with my body, but I just want to be able to express my gender in more androgynous ways than most women do.

    It's only in the last half of a year that I've come to realize that this thing I am, this way I feel, is actually a thing. I'm demigender. I partially connect to the gender I was assigned at birth, but partly not. And that other part is sort of masculine but, well, sort of not. And that's okay. Being demigender, like being bigender, agender or transgender, is totally and completely legit.

    Not sure if this is you, but wanted to let you know that demigender is a thing, and it's a valid thing. Maybe that's your thing, and maybe not. I hope your journey finds you finding yourself sooner than I figured this out for myself. It's tough feeling in-between for forty years.

    (*hug*)
     
  7. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,802
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Far above the clouds, gazing deep below the Earth
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I suggest you make a thread in the Sexual and Romantic Orientation section.

    To OP: You sound like you are cis to me. Do what you feel is right for you and be happy.
     
  8. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2014
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Doesn't sound like you're trans to me. You don't have to fit into gender roles and stereotypes and hang out with other women in order to be a woman. Plenty of cis women don't fit gender roles and prefer to be friends with men. Doesn't mean you're going to suddenly start getting dysphoria about your body. Don't worry about it.
     
  9. AlexTheGrey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2014
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    WA, USA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Yup. One of the greatest tragedies in human society is the idea that your sex somehow determines your behavior, and what norms you are allowed to follow. And we buy into it as we have been taught by family, friends, media, society, etc. We also try to impose order on things that honestly, will never be orderly. One of them is the idea that women should have women as friends, and men should have men, because interacting with someone of the opposite sex will just lead down the path of adultery / sin / whatever.

    The reality is that people are messy, and so are our relationships. You can't make it orderly, or fit a pattern, and that's normal.

    I know a couple women who aren't that different from how you describe yourself, actually. One just started trying on makeup in her 30s for the first time (simply because she actually thought she had to avoid certain feminine things, so that's a thing too). But none of them identifies as anything other than female. And honestly, I wouldn't want to change a thing about them. "Correct behaviors" can go take a leap off a cliff.

    If you don't want to change anything about who you are right now, and are comfortable with who you are. That's really all that matters. And don't let anyone make you think that you should be male to be "one of the guys", or be interested in "masculine" things (my SO is more into football than I ever will be). :wink: