This article describe some of the reasons that I don't wear the binder I bought. I think it is nice to know that there are others out there who want to wear a binder, but don't for fear and anxiety. Nice to know I wasn't the only one who didn't have that deep giddy feeling the first time I saw myself in a binder. Really, its just nice to know that I'm not alone in my feelings. And maybe there are others out there who need to write this as well.
I haven't bought a binder yet because of my current situation but this put a lot of my fears into words. I fear that once I put it on that amazing feeling of relief wont happen. I just don't want to feel like I am making a mistake, basically all these fears and worries flood into my mind at just the thought of having a binder.
I saw this the other day when Micah first shared it on their blog, and it resonated with me so much in a lot of ways. While sure, I do enjoy binding, sometimes it's a more confusing experience than I feel up to dealing with. I worry that if it's a day where it makes me feel amazing about my appearance, I'm gonna get deep into wondering what that means in terms of my gender - and if I feel the immediate need to take it off again, ditto about that. I'd rather just throw on a sports bra most of the time and take the happy medium.
For me its that when I go out in public I worry what people who know me will say/think when I go from a DD to basically flat. It will just bring up a lot of questions that I don't want to answer in public because someone might over hear. I also have this silly fear that EVERYONE will know I am wearing binder and just know i'm trans and give me hell.
I don't know if this will help but I'm just going to say from my experience with binding... A bit over a year ago I had a bit of anxiety too relating to binding, would people notice? What will this mean for me? I eventually caved in, bought the binder thinking that hey, I will put it on and probably end up shoving it back in the drawer again, not planning on pulling it out unless I was going to use it for cosplay. I was starting to get into the idea of being agender because somehow being referred to "she" wasn't comfortable to me and "he" seemed ever more tempting. I am not quite the same because I did feel this sense of relief when I wore my binder, reconfirming my fear that I was in fact trans* (but that also put some ease at mind settling this confusion), and shortly after just identifying as male. I wasn't sure if I should wear it again because I was afraid of what other people would think but I slowly gradually started wearing my binder more and more and no one has even said anything about it even though I had a visible chest without binding. Right now I pretty much bind everyday, making sure to take plenty of breaks, but maybe that might or might not be you. Some days binding makes me feel content, some days it's not enough, and there are a few days that I would be okay not binding (but I do anyway because I present male in public). I do know it's only a temporary thing, that I plan on getting on top surgery so I won't have to bind again. Do what makes you feel more comfortable, and maybe all you need is a sports bra and maybe one day get a breast reduction, for some trans* people that's all they need, maybe you won't need anything.
