Hey guys! I'm still trying to figure things out with my gender and I wanted to ask you your opinion on this (please bear with me): One of my "reasons" for why I wasn't identifying as transgender was because I like a lot of male clothes. However, at the same time I like a lot the women clothes (I know clothes are part of gender expression, and they don't mean anything about gender, but let me get to why this is important). The thing is that I don't know how fashion works for binary people, for example, I'd say: "I'm not a binary trans woman, because women wouldn't like male clothes as much as I do, and I'd be repulsed by them". but also "I'm not a guy because guys don't love women's clothes like I do". OR do they??? For example whenever I buy male shirts my mom says "I like that shirt", or "you should wear this". Also a therapist once told me that he always buys and picks the shoes for her wife. And most people have a preference to what their partner should wear. So philosophical questions: Does everybody like the clothes from both sexes but they cope with not being able to wear them by giving them to their loved ones? Or do they only like the other gender's clothes on other people but not themselves? Do people settle with the clothing binary because men don't really care about what they wear and women can wear pretty much both? Are men subconsciously trained to not consider liking dresses but if you told them that they could, would they like to wear them? The reason why I'm saying this might be relevant to figuring out my gender is not because of the clothes themselves, it is more about what is underneath them, for example, when I want to wear a jacket/blazer I'd prefer to have a male body, but when I want to wear a dress I'd prefer to have a female body. This is what has me the most confused about my gender. Same with hair, I've always wanted long hair, but i don't think it looks good on men, so I would never grow it out unless I were to transition because being a guy I think it looks better short. This applies similarly to the clothes, do guys keep their hair short because they are supposed to? because they really want to? or because having it short identifies them with masculinity?
I think it is complicated. I don't think inherently that either gender hates either gender's style of dress or anything really. Your example about long hair.. I grew my hair long before I ever seriously considered transition, and I mostly always had long hair after an age when it was my choice. People occasionally gave me crap about it or told me I looked like a woman, but I didn't care, because I liked it and it felt like me. I liked more than just the combination of long hair + ostensibly male human, I liked long hair's association with beauty, I liked the image it gave me, I liked that it gave me more control over my appearance and allowed me to experiment with and style my hair in the same ways cis women could, and I liked trying new products, talking about haircare with others, etc. So I think for me, it gave me a way to express some of my female identity when I was still very much a child having gender roles shoved down my throat. I also didn't like 99% of men's clothes. I tried my hardest to find men's clothes that were more small, feminine, form fitting, elegant etc. and was really happy when I could put together outfits that felt different from the drab stuff most dudes wear. But, now I am more open-minded and do like some men's clothes, on male bodies. It depends. I don't think clothing is inherently gendered, but I think different genders may inherently prefer more of certain aspects that clothing can offer. It is not about how the clothes are labeled, or who they are technically made for, but how they become tools for self-expression. If you think of clothes as a composition, a piece of artwork, and focus on the specific traits of clothing that you like and dislike, then I think the "gender" of the clothing becomes less relevant. It can be hard to like men's clothes as much in that regard, because they tend towards being utilitarian, so it is harder to express yourself in as many ways via men's clothes, but certainly not impossible at all. I think the gendered differences mostly come from the reasons we have for wearing clothing, not as much from inherent traits of the clothing itself. Sorry I don't know if that's at all helpful but.
Not everybody does. I like a lot of womens' clothing. Personally, I'd recommend you stop seeing gender as gender roles. Liking womens' clothes doesn't make you a woman, and liking mens' clothes doesn't make you a man. Thinking of how I wanted to be biologically and socially helped me a lot with figuring out my gender, so I'd recommend you do that.
Hi baconpox! That's exactly what I'm trying to do! The other day I made this thread, which addresses the social aspect: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...cial-dysphoria-inconformity-gender-roles.html And this thread was more about the body than the clothes. Clothes are generally designed to accentuate the characteristics of the body, for example most women clothes are cinched in the waist. So I'm thinking maybe I want to wear dresses because I want to look like i have an hour glass shape because maybe I want to have a female body. does that make sense? :/
Dysphoria is probably the best way to tell in your case. Do you feel disconnected/uncomfortable with sexed parts of your current body (not just when wearing clothes)? If you do, you're probably trans. If you don't, you're probably not.
I definitely get that. One of the earlier signs of me being trans was wanting to wear boy's clothes, not because of gender roles but because they were built to hide curves. My advice is to give it some time. If you don't have dysphoria in other situations and it's just about clothes, then you probably just don't have dysphoria. But then again, my dysphoria was first evident because of clothing choices and I became conscious of it later. So I don't think you have enough information to work with right now and should just give it some time and see how you feel about your body and gender in general.
I agree with baconpox's statement at it's core, but each person's experience is unique. When I wear women's clothing (which I did today), I was comfortable with playing a more feminine gender role and using my more natural higher-pitched voice and crossing my legs and whatever other female-gender-role stereotypes I may have employed. That said, I tend to go for androgyny or cutesy-type clothes. For some, yeah, focus less on the role. I can be totally femme while wearing the most masculine garb in my closet but everyone just thinks I'm gay. That's okay, I guess, but not really my identity either. And I've had that issue for eons now, I'm over it.
