In the last months, maybe last year or so, i've been having these recurring thoughts and desires to... well... look more feminine. Dress like a girl, if you will. Suddenly, i feel like i'm in the 9th degree of obesity, and i've been eating less and less everyday. At first i thought i was into some sort of eating disorder, but not so long after, i realized i was doing it on purpose, to lose weight. Maybe i'm being influenced by those japanese visual kei artists i love so much (google Kiryu's bassist, Hiyori, or YOHIO for reference), but thinking back when i was a child and used to play Naruto with my cousins, i've Always picked the female character to be my role... I don't know if i'm a possible transgender (i have lots of curiosity in trying men, if that helps in anything), and honestly, i don't think that would be a problem at all (at least until i had to come out, but that's another story...). The thing is... i can't look the way i want to. I'll never have the petite, cute girl look i crave for, it's just an impossible dream. Think of a broad shoulders, fat, hairy 17yo trying to look like an asian girl of some sort. Complete failure, right? That's how i feel about myself. I just don't know what to do anymore... i can't let go of this desire, but i know i won't be able to fulfill it the way i want to either...
