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I have never seen it coming! reactions after CO

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kiran, Feb 15, 2016.

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  1. Kiran

    Kiran
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    Did you hear after coming out that "there were no signals"? I have heard that "I have never talked about it before" or that "nothing was showing up" (they were but you just ignored).

    I asked a question how should I have talked about it and heard "openly". Or I heard "are you sure?". when I admitted that I still have some doubts I heard from my cis friend that I should be 100% sure and woken up at nigth I should be answering "yes, I'm 100% sure and you fuck off". "You were always feminine for me" (but I haven't felt that really).

    I don't know what they expect that I'll be selling them some kind of narration and try to validate how I feel and explain it to them? I find the "friendly advice to be sure" to be really irritating.

    What kind of reactions you get from people after coming out? How do you react to it and answer them?
     
    #1 Kiran, Feb 15, 2016
  2. darkcomesoon

    darkcomesoon
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    My mother likes to point out that I didn't show many signs of being trans and that I was feminine as a child. The fact is, femininity has nothing to do with gender. You could spend your whole live presenting femininely and still be a guy.

    Ask your friends what "signs" they expected to see. Masculinity? All sorts of women can be masculine and men can be feminine. That's not a good indicator. Binding/dysphoria/etc.? It makes sense to not be public about that sort of thing before you come out, so there's no reason for them to have known. What kind of signs did they really expect? Question why they seem to think that trans people have to appear a certain way in order to actually be trans.
     
    #2 darkcomesoon, Feb 15, 2016
  3. Kiran

    Kiran
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    It's a good idea to ask them. I have heard from my mtf friend that she was asked the same.

    Two of those who told me there were no signs... Obviously they overlooked them. I was quite vocal with them.

    What surprises me is that often mtf here question ftm's identity ans misgenders. Is it kinda universal?
     
    #3 Kiran, Feb 15, 2016
  4. Michael

    Michael
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    I take the risks I know I can take right here and now, which means coming out first to the people I'm positive they will react at least with the simple 'Uh... Ok, so... Does that mean you like girls?'

    As I got more confident with myself, I went for bigger and bigger challenges. I'm not out to everyone, it's a work in progress. Some people accepted me fully, others were just in denial and I'm not talking to them until they reach out to me with acceptance, or sincere desire to understand though questions, which I'm glad to answer.

    New people in my life get the 'take it or leave it' deal.

    I gave up on my mother long ago, hopefully another man can give you good advice on that...
     
    #4 Michael, Feb 15, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2016
  5. Kiran

    Kiran
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    Generally, I have similar strategy.

    I'm not going to cut them off as they also declare support and I believe that. It's just... "Are you sure?" etc. that is bothering me.

    My family will be in denial... So yeah, as I see now some reactions, it might be good to work over those before I start the hardest (aka family).

    Thanks!
     
    #5 Kiran, Feb 15, 2016
  6. Kasey

    Kasey
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    I'm not going to go into a long diatribe.

    Yes. I most definitely heard those exact words verbatim.
     
    #6 Kasey, Feb 15, 2016
  7. Michael

    Michael
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    How old are you, Kiran?
     
    #7 Michael, Feb 16, 2016
  8. Kiran

    Kiran
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    30+. Why?
     
    #8 Kiran, Feb 16, 2016
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