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Can anyone relate?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Matto_Corvo, Feb 18, 2016.

  1. Matto_Corvo

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    I don't suffer from dysphoria to much and I believe that has a lot to do with the fact that I see myself as male appearing despite being AFAB

    But then, sometimes, I just realize how mismatched my body is. I see my face, arms/hands, leg/feet, and leg/arm hair to be rather masculine already. But when I am naked I see the torso area as..not really feminine but clearly not male. I feel better once I have some shorts on. I don't like my breast but I tend to view them as man boobs which help.

    These moments when I feel mismatched just drive me crazy. Like, I want my body to completely match, but since I won't have bottom surgery that will never be perfect. And while I want to be male, I am often ashamed when my family comments on how boyish I tend to look, or they notice my leg hair that has been growing for months. Like, I want to be male and I want them to accept that, but not comment on it. Don't make it this huge big deal to try and show me you are accepting. Just treat my like normal but with male pronouns.
     
  2. Delta

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    I can relate a lot. Mostly, my body is nice and it does good work, so I like it. But then it'll be a day with overwhelming dysphoria, and it's almost like it's just not mine anymore, even staying in it is disappointing. It gives me the feeling that whatever I am, it's fake. Because I don't like my body sometimes, I can never be a "real" guy and because I never really look it, I can never be a "real girl", and it's sucky.

    I also relate to the social dysphoria. I want it to just be natural. I don't want a fight or praise every time gender comes up. Cis people get the comfort of having their gender be presumed valid and innate, and I miss that.
     
  3. LizSibling13

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    I can relate because when I'm nude, I see something that I don't want (even if it still small). I want my girl body..my boyfriend can have the man body...:slight_smile:.
     
  4. Alder

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    I can relate quite a bit. Most of the time I find, when my dysphoria isn't bad, I actually see my body, in a way, as a male one, and I feel almost blissfully fine with it all. On better days in the mirror even my chest doesn't bother me because I just see my upper body as a male's upper body, just a little bit different from other guys. It's either me being quite disconnected/apathetic or I simply just see myself as physically 'male' in a way.

    But there are days that this isn't the case, and the discomfort and dysphoria get hard to deal with - and your thing about mismatched parts makes sense. Although at times I can be okay with parts of my body sometimes I just wish it were all male because that way everything just fits together better, and makes more sense to me. It sometimes upsets me too that, since I might not be able to get bottom surgery/might choose not to, there are some parts of my body that won't ever be the completely cis male body I want most of the time. I want it all to fit together but I'm far from that at the moment.

    I know, however, that I will do my best to get it to where I can truly be happy with myself, physically and all, and that that is possible.

    Oh yeah, and about the social part of it. I've gotten quite a few comments from family/teachers before about how much I "look like a guy" and how I'm "dressing so much like a dude." Although the looking like a guy part should make me pretty damn happy, a lot of the time I just feel a bit irked or yeah - even a bit ashamed - when people point things out like my short hair or how I am looking this way and that. I'm not a girl who's looking like a guy or dressing like a guy or cutting my hair so it's like the guys', I'm just a guy, and I hope for one day it to be just a natural thing (despite me being totally in the closet about my gender right now.)

    Hope things work out though. I can definitely relate a lot to what you're saying.
     
    #4 Alder, Feb 20, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2016
  5. darkcomesoon

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    My experience is really similar. A lot of the time I don't have that much dysphoria because my body is fairly androgynous. My brain looks at it and tries to see it as a male body, and generally succeeds. I only get dysphoria about the parts I really can't ignore (I have top dysphoria because my brain can't just "skim over" my chest).

    And I do also wish people wouldn't make my gender such a big deal. I wish they would just treat me like they used to, but use the right pronouns and stuff.
     
  6. JackIsANerd

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    I relate to this a lot my dysphoria is pretty mild most of the time and I kind of already think of myself and my body as male. Other times it does bother me that my body doesn't match up with my brain and it will drive me crazy. I kinda feel bad though because some trans people have terrible dysphoria all the time while I barely have it, I know that is a weird thing to feel bad about but I do. :frowning2:
     
  7. Daydreamer1

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    I can relate, though the intensity of these feelings has decreased some for me.

    I used to get super depressed (almost suicidal) over feeling so out of place, now they've become more or less dissociative feelings. Sometimes I barely recognize myself and I don't know whose parts these belong to. It's really weird. When I really get into it, it spirals into just trying to come to terms with feeling like I'll never reach my goals, and that this is just what I'm stuck with--not made better by having the same feelings as you when it comes to bottom surgery; how it won't be perfect, and I won't be able to experience things the way I would if I was cis.

    (hugs) I hope things begin to look up for you soon, man.
     
  8. DjM

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    I can relate. I'm not sure if I have dysphoria, but I wish a lot of the time that my body wasn't so masculine in certain parts of my body. I wish I could actually fill those sports bras I wear underneath my clothes. Despite being able to look like a man, I still kinda wish to look more feminine and not be seen as this dude.
     
  9. cheqckerz

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    Yeah, I can too. I never really think about my body 'belonging' to either sex really I just feel like it's more of a blank, genderless thing apart from when dysphoria hits, or occasionally I see it as female. I get feeling mismatched. I'm not binary trans, so it's not like I really want anything to be constant, which is sort of frustrating... I haven't really bothered with pronouns, I'm pretty alright with whatever anyone uses for me, but I hope that you're family use the right ones for you more. I understand that must be frustrating. Maybe they need some time to adjust... Though it sucks they're making it a big deal when I mean, it's important, but it's not definitive of who you are, you know?
     
  10. Mr Spock

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    I hate it when my mom comments on my leg hair, because some tiny part of me realizes that she's trying to shame me into shaving it. It's like they put you on some girl grading system and you receive an F. Well, duh. I'm not a girl.

    That's also the same reason I hate it when some idiot boy at my school is eventually pressured into saying, "I would never have sex with you, even if you were the last person on earth." First off, I bet that wouldn't be true if I was the last person on earth, second, what makes him think I would want this loser to have sex with me in the first place and third, of course you wouldn't have sex with me. You're straight. And I'm not a girl. So don' "grade" me like one.