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Where do we fall on the sexuality scale?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TobaccoFlower, Feb 18, 2016.

  1. TobaccoFlower

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    I don't fully know where to place this question in the forums, but it's been bothering me.
    I've known a lot of people place heavy emphasis on physical... attrributes in the expression of what "gender" that they are attracted to, which is not the case for all or maybe even most people, but does anyone else have any insight into where a trans person falls in terms of sexual attraction from other people?
    For instance, bisexual or pansexual people often don't cause any issues for me because I understand that, being a woman with a penis, I don't cause any sort of issues for their sexuality, but a gay man, on the other hand, could still theoretically be attracted to me as a "bottom." Pushing aside the initial anger that I feel about being looked at as a "male bottom" instead of a woman with a penis, I still don't fully understand what to think when people say "I'm gay," or "I'm lesbian," or even "I'm straight," because I have no idea if I fall within their sexual or romantic interests because so few people make it clear where they draw the line between physical sex and gender attraction these labels.

    I ask because I recently hung out with a group of gay men and a pan woman and, while I knew the woman was (she admitted it before) attracted to me, I also got hit on by one of the men, but I wasn't sure if that upset or flattered me since everyone knew I was trans...

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. Aberrance

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    Oh this is so difficult and it's pretty worrying and stressful for myself too as I'm pre-transition FTM. I've met gay guys who were attracted to me so I'd like to think that people are attracted to you based on your gender identity/expression but there's still the whole drag queen scene where identity and expression are completely seperate which makes it increasingly difficult for trans people.

    The gay man had no right to hit on you if you're out to everyone, that was a stupid move on his part. I think I'm confused as much as you so I'm not sure I'm much help at the moment but I just want to say that anyone who is ignoring your identity (which is esentially what that man did by hitting on you - if it was a joke then it was careless and way out of line) doesn't even deserve your time or effort. You just have to learn to try and brush it off and move on. You'll find people who are attracted to your personality, identity, expression, all of it. There's no point in stressing about which label you fit under to other people because sexuality is such an individual and varied thing, personal preference tends to overrule the label anyway.
     
  3. DreamerBoy17

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    Yeah as an (obviously) pre-everything trans guy, I have no clue where I am on people's radars. I know I'm probably the last person straight cis girls want to date.

    Pan people are a blessing for trans people. :lol:
     
  4. Matto_Corvo

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    I pretty much say I am a gay man with straight woman tendencies sometimes.

    Others read me as a lesbian for some odd reason.
     
  5. Delta

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    Well, for me, I've got narrow narrow preferences, and I only like other people who are nonbinary. So, "gay" for me specifically is "I am this gender and I like people of the same gender." I like being "lesbian" still, it's what I started out identifying as. The only thing I don't like about it is people thinking they can ignore the nonbinary thing because they think if I'm a lesbian I must just be a girl.
     
  6. Michael

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    No, that would be me.

    I've been hit by gay men, and it didn't bothered me, I felt quite flattered. I don't like to label the kind of men that were attracted to me as 'bottoms', even if that is what they were. Once a guy told me 'There is something very masculine about you', way long before even coming out to myself, and that compliment sent me to the moon... After more than ten years, I'm smiling as I remember... It felt way more validating, more true, as any compliment that any woman could pay me...

    Cis men, on the other hand, awake the worst in me : He might be a good person, but if I sense he is having hallucinations, he is dead to me, I don't even want a friendship, and even to say 'hello' to them would feel like torture, just... No, go away... Same with cis pretending to be bisexuals...

    Lesbians, only femmes, obviously... To me they are women, and I'm into women, but it embarrased me to keep their hands off my body, it made me quite uncomfortable because I felt I was deceiving them.

    Where do I think I fall? I'm heterosexual, because I am a man who is into women... How do I explain the funny games I had (and probably still have) with gay men? I don't think I have to explain anything... It doesn't bother to spread happiness and bodily fluids. I know this would drive crazy many cis heteros, but not me, I've been always quite free when it comes to sex, and very much into experimenting or just having fun. I'm also not advertising my sexuality, I think that's my business and my partner's.
     
  7. Jellal

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    I've had girls and a gay guy attracted to me before, but that's just because of my inherently masculine and rugged appearance.

    I can't say I've given my own sexuality much thought. To me it's just that, an afterthought. I've been turned on by girls, guys, and people in-between. I think I'm just ambivalently horny.
     
  8. GenderSciFi

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    Oh my, if only I knew...
    If you haven't told a person about your identity, then they'll just go by presentation, and that can be quite straightforward: when I presented more feminine, assumingly straight men were looking at me more. Now I get more looks in queer spaces, by people I'd reckon are queer women. But I'm so bad at telling if someone is hitting on me or just being nice, or reading what's on my tshirt, or smiling at the wall behind me :icon_redf But I'm not being harassed by straight dudes anymore, yippieh.
    Jup, us pansexuals are pretty neat. I'd prefer if only pansexuals were sexually attracted me, for all eternity. They are few, but they got it right.
     
  9. Just Jess

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    I consider myself a Kinsey 5/6. I use the word gay. I am gynophillic, and not androphobic or androphillic
     
  10. RavenTheRat

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    I think it depends on the person. For example, if a trans girl asked me out (and she's a nice girl of course haha) I would definitley say yes, no question! To ME, what's inside is what's most important.
    Some people are not like that, and what's outside plays a heavier role. I think it truly just depends.
     
    #10 RavenTheRat, Feb 19, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2016
  11. oh my god I

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    I think it is very case by case but usually it probably follows whatever orientation most closely matches your primary sex characteristics.
     
  12. eden

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    I took the test and got a 3. Right now, the general public sees me as a guy but I guess my pansexuality 'label checks out.

    What I'm dying to know is, in regards to what TobaccoFlower said, why do some people want to be bottoms or tops only? Why so much emphasis placed on it. Wouldn't everyone wanna switch it up? Oh well, I guess that's for another thread.
     
  13. darkcomesoon

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    It depends on the individual. As a general rule, people will be attracted to you if you pass as the gender they are attracted to (e.g. gay men and straight women can be attracted to a passing trans man, but it's more likely that straight men and gay women will like him if he doesn't pass), but:

    a) for some people, attraction can change when they find out your actual gender (some straight women could develop feelings for a nonpassing trans man once they get to know him and start seeing him as a guy anyway)

    b) genitals can definitely be a dealbreaker for a lot of people. Regardless of what gender you are or what gender people see you as, if someone really doesn't like what you've got in your pants, they won't be interested anymore.

    I personally wouldn't feel comfortable dating anyone who was exclusively interested in women, even though I don't pass well. I'm in a relationship with a (pan) girl who sees me as a guy and is attracted to me as a guy, and that's the only way I can be comfortable in a relationship (the person doesn't have to be bi/pan, it just tends to be easier that way). Some people are comfortable dating people who are attracted to people of their physical sex and not their gender (e.g. trans man dating a lesbian or a trans woman dating a gay man) and that's fine too. It's a personal choice.
     
  14. Inis

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    That's an interesting topic.

    Where do I put my self on the sexuality scale?
    I think it depends.

    Sometimes I'd like to be just binary, you know. Having one perfect label where staying comfort in and that can describes my sexual orientation in a define and clear way.
    But then, when I think about that, I figure out it is necessary just for the other people and not for me. I can be happy anyway, without choose a label and without using a fuck*** category.

    However people have an opinion, whether you want it or not :grin: In general they think I'm totally straight, just because I wear make up and I'm quite feminine.
    So far from the truth... LOL

    I found men and women both sexual attractive as well, but maybe I can have a stronger emotional connection with the second ones. I also have to add I've never met a transexual person, but I can't exlude that I could feel something for they.

    So... may I put me under the sexuality scale? :grin:
     
    #14 Inis, Feb 20, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2016
  15. Invidia

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    This is one of those things that I feel are so much more complicated than they have to be, and it's society's fault for being heteronormative and disgusting.

    I call myself queer. I hear a lot of people nowadays talk about how they "don't want their sexuality/gender politicized". And, well, I can't force them. But we are all part of an oppressed minority, and we're only as strong as we are united and as weak as we are divided. Me, I consider my sexuality, and to a large extent my gender, to be strictly political. Why? Because 1) I believe (and it's not just amateur philosophy but a very popular view among researchers on the subject historical and present) that fully static orientation isn't as natural as we think it is, whether that is homosexuality or heterosexuality, or whatever, 2) I want to reach out to others who, firstly, aren't cis-hetero, and secondly, aren't fully gay or anything else either, to let them know they're not alone and that free love can be around the corner if we just work together, and 3) because the lack of sexual identity, so to say, is my sexual identity; my refusal to be pigeon-holed and squeezed into a cramped, claustrophobic jar labelled "bisexual" or whatever, that seems to me to mostly be there so that the cis-hetero population can maintain their privilege, feeding me with a single molecule of oxygen every now and then as they see fit so that the source of their privilege doesn't die off.

    I don't know if that answers your question, but those are just some of my thoughts.
     
  16. Systems

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    I agree with this. It's complicated, and it's hurtful, but it's how it is. Like a lot of trans women, I had no choice but to go through male puberty, which made me look male, causes me a huge amount of dysphoria, and makes me feel like crap for not being attractive to other lesbians.

    I'm quite socially isolated and distant, so I really have no idea if anyone's been attracted to me or what they identify as. I look like a very pretty and feminine man at this point, although I do sometimes look female. I hope I look female all the time with FFS and more time on HRT (I'm almost a year in). As a non-passing/semi-passing trans woman, I think I'd mostly attract people who are attracted to feminine men.

    Sexual orientation is complicated. I identify as lesbian because it's the closest approximation of my sexual orientation. Well, actually, the closest is gynephile, but not many people know what that means. I'm attracted to feminine/androgynous people that I perceive as trans or cis female. It just so happens most of the people who fit this description are women. Some are non-binary, some are men. I personally have no problem with typically male genitalia, but due to an unconsensual experience I'm averse to typically female genitalia.

    For a time I identified as bi because of this, but I didn't like how that implied I like men, since I'm only into men when they're extremely super duper feminine and can be mistaken for women, and since I'm only attracted to people I perceive as women, I just call myself lesbian.
     
  17. HerrinDesFeuers

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    For me personally, being homosexual is just about sexual/physical attraction, ergo about someone's body, whether it matches their gender or not.
    To be precise, it's not about the body in general, but about the genitals. I'm attracted to people with vaginas, no matter if they are cis women, trans* women after transition, trans* men before transition, intersexual people with vaginas or any other person who has a vagina for any other reason.
    Except for the genitals, I can find female and male body features, and especially a combination of both, very attractive. I just don't like penises.
    So maybe homosexual isn't really the right label for me, but I don't know which one would fit better, and to be honest I'm not really interested in it, either, since I decided that I don't really need any labels for me, anyway.

    I'm certainly not homoromantic, so I could fall in love with people of any gender or sex, also with someone who has a penis. I have to admit that I myself don't know what I would do then.
     
  18. Mihael

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    Same here. Get read as a butch lesbian - be a femme gay trans man...

    I don't really think about it, honestly. I think I'm pan, because I don't care about anything when it comes to attraction. I'm attracted more to some kind of vibe than anything else. But I still have a much stronger attraction to men for no reason.

    I don't really identify with labels, but the way I explain it to people is that I'm straight or that I prefer guys.

    On the scale... hm... according to my bio gender or to what's inside my head? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: The scale is nonsencical in my case. What would other people attracted to me consider themselves is up to them. Straight men and women hit on me both. It's either the type attracted to tough chicks or the type attracted to androgynous boys
     
  19. DreamerBoy17

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    So I'm dating a pan person now XD
     
  20. Invidia

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    Whoo, congrats, Cody! :thumbsup: Wish ya all the luck!