Hello everyone, I just joined this website as I've read some threads and the replies of the users seemed very kind and helpful. I am Ryan, 20, gay, Italian and I am a male (or at least that's the sex I was assigned). Lately, I've been questioning my gender identity. I might be transgender. I've always been a very feminine boy, I even looked like a girl during puberty. Also, I've always been attracted to cross dressing and role play, and I have a huge passion for dresses, makeup and typically girly stuff and that's why I started doing drag. I've always liked girls toys such as dolls, mini-kitchens and girly colours (e.g. pink). Also, I've always acted like a girl, and it just comes naturally. My gestures are very feminine, and I have to be careful when I meet new people or I'm in public to how I move my hands and my hips and try to act masculine to avoid being bullied and criticised. Till not so long ago, I simply used to consider myself very flamboyant, a "stereotypical gay male", but then I told myself that there was more to that and that I never had a masculine attitude. Ever. When I was in school I hated being associated to the boys, I hated being in group with them, having to play with them, having to ACT like them. Even going to the changing room was a challenge for me. It was just TOO AWKWARD for me. I used to get changed in the toilet, and sometimes I even got changed in front of the girls in their locker room (they had no problem with it because we were friends). I don't know, it was terrible for me to be compared to males. Then, during puberty, I fell in love with some straight guys and sometimes I'd wish I was a girl so I could be with them. Sometimes I masturbated touching the part between the scrotum and the anus (I'm sorry I don't know what that part is called) and pretend I had a vagina. Sometimes I nearly cried, because I wanted to have a vagina. Then it kinda stopped for a while, I was happy being a male, and I just did drag on a few occasions. Then I started enjoying it a lot, and started wanted to do it more. I do not get aroused by dressing up, it has nothing sexual to do with it. When I do drag I use natural makeup, I try to make my face look as feminine as possible and I get sad when I don't look like a woman. When I take off my fake breasts I want to cry, and I wish I could have proper breasts, like a woman. The reason I'm confused is that I don't consider myself a girl. I've heard that a lot of transgender women say that they knew they were girls, and that's why they had to change. Personally, I wouldn't say "I'M A GIRL!" it's more something like "I wanna be a girl". Also, I don't have a problem with people calling me a "he" or with my penis. Or at least not when I'm alone. It only gets awkward when I'm having sex with someone. I'm a bottom, and it makes me uncomfortable when people touch my penis, I don't know if I can consider this "dysphoria". Am I transgender? I am not gender fluid, I'm quite sure about this. Thank you very much in advance and sorry if it's so long and confused, I just don't know how to put it clearly into words. If you need any other info just let me know.:smilewave
Hi. It's sounds like you're having trouble. I can only give advice and you have to find the answer yourself. I can't say, yep you're trans. I can't do that because I don't have your life and everyone's experiences are different. From your description you could be trans, but you have to figure it out. I don't think wanting to be a girl makes you any less trans. If you are trans. Don't worry about labels. Labels make it stressful when they're not. Labels are just there to help you, but you don't necessarily need a fancy label like Demi girl or anything specific. Just whatever you'd like to call yourself is fine. Maybe you could find a gender therapist which may help. There's a lot of resources on the Internet. Good luck. - Christopher
