ok, as you can see, i am new to this website. i signed up solely because i couldnt find anywhere else to turn for help, and i am a bit desperate for information. so to start off, im dfab and i identify as bigender, both male and female. however, i think my situation is a bit unorthodox and i have had a hard time understanding what should be done for my exact situation. for some backstory/additional information about myself: as far back as i can remember in almost every single one of my dreams i have had a masculine body. when i was around 13 i started having dreams of undergoing sex reassignment surgery during the few dreams i didnt have a masculine body. i would always feel so much happier afterword; i havent had that kind of dream recently but i continue to have a masculine body in like 95% of my dreams. i dont think that i would undergo sex reassignment surgery irl because as far as i know, technological capabilities in those areas are weak? but i do experience mild genital dysphoria in the sense that while i dont necessarily mind having a vagina, i feel as though a penis is what is "right" for me. i also experience dysphoria when it comes to my body in general -- my height is my main source of dysphoria. however i have no desire to alter my chest whatsoever, which is a problem for me because i want HRT desperately but i don't want my breasts to get smaller. i want to work out to help shape my body as well, but i have no interest in stereotypically "masculine" clothing or other similar ways of presenting; i plan on keeping my hair long, continuing to wear makeup, dress about the same way, etc. this is where i have a few questions: i desperately want to grow taller. can testosterone result in growth spurts, taking into consideration that im 17 years old? i think i read somewhere that it can as long as my growth plates arent closed but i would prefer a more definitive answer. im 5'5 while my dad and brother are both 6+ feet tall. i dont expect to grow that tall but i would at least like to be 5'7 or something also, is there any way to prevent the side effect of breast reduction? while i look forward to most of the gradual side effects of testosterone such as my voice deepening, changes in body shape, the cessation of my period, possibly my height as well-- i prefer my chest the way it is now. another question i have is, is applying testosterone gel a proper method of HRT? almost everyone ive read about had shots administered, but i dont like shots lol. and i think i recall reading something about testosterone levels being more unstable through shots, where levels are very high to begin with but very low right before the next shot? gel seems like a much better option for me, if its a reliable way to transition. for my final question: i have a hard time finding information on how to appear more androgynous that doesnt rely on clothing or haircuts and so forth. i want to be able to pass as male with the help of testosterone, but i still want to pass as female, does that make sense? the only transitioning guides ive read have been designed for trans males, i couldnt find any decent ones for bigender/andro people. i was wondering if anyone could help me more specifically or provide me with information, taking into consideration that im bigender and not a trans man? i would appreciate any advice, opinions, or help that anyone can provide. only recently have i started doing research on gender stuff. i have been very stressed due to dysphoria and school and the idea of having to come out so i can get HRT :^(
