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I lost my nerve

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Unsuretim, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Unsuretim

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    Yesterday I found a gender therapist that looks like she would be more than right for my mtf feelings. I dialed the number and as soon as it rang I hung up. I sat there looking at my phone and began crying uncontrollably. I want so much to figure all this out want to talk to someone and here I am not even taking that next step. All I want is to be happy with who I am but now I am putting up my own road blocks. I really thought I was ready for this but its plainly obvious I am not. I always think if I had dealt with this when I was younger I would be much happier. Now that time is precious I can't even do what I know I need to do. I feel like I don't know what I want. It's now Saturday night and I thought about yesterday and began crying again. I just wanted to post here because this is a good place to post my frustrations. Thank you for listening to a woman want to be but who just can't get to her next step. It's so upsetting to just be someone who can't do what she should do to be happy.
     
  2. BriSoft

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    Hello,

    I am very close in age to you and just started my transition. Please know that it is never too late. Also, therapists are there to help you. A good one should be supportive and help you figure out what you want, not tell you what to do.

    I realize that it can be scary. Only you can know if you need to move forward. All I can say is that getting support from a therapist helped me move forward with more clarity and resolve than I could have had on my own.

    Good luck *hugs*
    Bri
     
  3. paris

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    It doesn't mean you're not ready for this, it just means you got overwhelmed the first time when calling the number. It happened to me too. Don't give up, I'm sure you'll get through next time. (*hug*)
     
    #3 paris, Feb 21, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2016
  4. Unsuretim

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    Thank you! I was trying to make so many different excuses for not doing it. I had a really rough day and night but you are right maybe i just got overwhelmed by everything. I will slow down take my time and when its right I will get that call in.

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2016 at 08:00 PM ----------

    Thank you Bri I know it is my decision and only I can know what I want. I just want the therapist to guide me and help me move forward. It will be rough when i get beyond that point and will need that person to get me through the stage of informing my kids
     
  5. Lazuri

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    I know about the fear. When I first realized I was trans, it still took me 8 months until I mustered the courage to call. Just try again when you feel stronger again.

    And about your age: it's never too late. Even if it's obviously preferable to figure things out early, few people ever do and you got to ask yourself whether it's better to have some precious years of you being you or none at all.
     
  6. Unsuretim

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    I see you are 23 and that was about the age i got married and had kids. My problem is I had these feeling prior to my marriage. I actually was putting on dresses and nylons when I was 10 and it continued for years. I should have known back then I wanted something different. I just wish I could go back in time so that I could do what I needed to do. Thank you for the support and I know with a little time I will make that call and get me going towards my true self.
     
  7. Lazuri

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    Oh, I was just like you. I only realized it because my partner at the time figuratively slapped me and said "look at yourself; you're trans and that's alright." So basically, I got lucky and if I hadn't, there's no telling which age I would have reached before I grew smart. Probably would've died denying it.

    The point is that we've all been dealt a shitty hand, but we've got to play it to the best of our ability. And you'll always have us here at EC to back you up whether it be the people your age (I've seen more than a couple.) or we young un's who got lucky either by being helped by our loved ones or by the increased amount of information and popularity on the subject that you didn't have the fortune to grow up with.

    So recover your strength and then go show everybody else the beautiful woman that was always underneath. You're not alone.
     
  8. Unsuretim

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    Oh my that is so sweet you have truly given me hope and inspiration letting out that beautiful woman that is deep inside the next time I will remember this quote and make sure I stay strong thank you for the wonderful thought it will help me to make that call