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How to be Nonbinary

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by CapQuestionmark, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. CapQuestionmark

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    Now, I know that how to go about identifying oneself comes down to the individual, but I want some of others opinions, ideas, and especially stories.

    I'll be starting a new school next year, far away from my small, conservative Southern town, and I'm hoping to make a good impression and feel as though I can finally truthfully represent on the outside who I am on the inside.

    So any tips, tricks, or experience is very much welcomed!! ^.^
     
  2. Delta

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    I'm a little new to being nonbinary, but I had a really similar experience when I was 14 and I moved out of my very devoutly Mormon hometown to a liberal college town 12 hours away, after having an awful time coming out as gay in the first town. My first advice would be to be genuine. If you do ever suffer from confusion about gender or sexuality etc., be honest about it. It's refreshing to hear people admitting to difficulty, and other people might come forward to share their difficulties with you. Things can change a lot, don't keep up a facade to save face (I tried to keep up a facade of bisexuality, but I really didn't actually like guys, so that died).

    Next, find the group of people who makes you feel the best about your life and your self. It might be misfits, it might be popular people, it might be band kids, it could be people you never imagined yourself hanging out with. Be open to everyone, they can surprise you. Still follow your intuition and don't do things with people who make you concerned about their intentions or for your own safety.

    I also had the defense mechanism of being a bit of a suck up to my favorite teachers, so if there were any problems with harassment I had a few professional adults to listen to my side and back me up if I needed it. I always did like befriending teachers, though, so that could just be me.

    And mostly, try very very hard not to take any of it too seriously. It's intense in the moment, but it's going to be just a memory someday and it'll be better for you if you get to look back on it as something you were happy in the midst of it all and having fun the whole time.

    And now a list of pieces of preachy sounding advice tidbits for general high school existence! Don't do things that will have consequences after you turn 18. That includes alcohol and drugs, save that for after your brain growth is done, it'll help you out in the long run. Scars suck long term, don't do anything you'll get a scar from unless the story is something you are 100% on board with telling a little kid about someday because little kids will ask about any visible anomaly, they don't know that's rude. Be nice to the social outcasts, even if no one else is. You feel better about yourself if you bring love to people's lives instead of hate. Don't be afraid to ask for help, especially if you get yourself into dark places. Good parents/guardians would always rather be yelling at you for being somewhere you shouldn't than hating themselves for not being there to get you when you needed them. Take the first option before the second becomes a real threat.

    Have the best time you can, but trust me when I say the years are uphill after high school and this isn't going to be the best time of your life. You can make them great anyway. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Mihael

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    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    (I'm transmasculine and genderqueer, I guess)

    When I moved, I had no idea what I was doing. I tried to make them treat as non-girly as possible and tried to be "butch". I hid all the bright, carefree clothing at the back of my closet, played sports with the guys and avoided "girly things" like a plague. I tried to look androgynous. I guess I proved I'm "man enough" for them to feel embarassed to treat me girly. And then... I stopped trying. And this is when the story began. I allowed myself to just be myself and while I permitted myself to come back to all the feminine things I enjoy for their own sake, like awsome jewelry. I also chilled out enough to buy some actual men's clothing I liked and wear it. I left some things from the "transitionary shell", because I just like them, and threw away some other things. And paradoxically, people treat me even less like a girl now, when I'm not trying any more, just being myself :slight_smile:

    Do whatever feels right :slight_smile:

    Yep.