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No need for transition

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, Feb 21, 2016.

  1. Mihael

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    Hello everyone!

    It's a bit crazy. I've done a lot of introspection recently and I realised that I feel like a boy, whatever it means. That I always gravitated to fulfiling that role, wanted to make others to perceive me that way. But I didn't know it meant feeling like a boy. For me, it had no connection whatsoever with the concept of a boy or with other boys.

    I've been experimenting with gender expression recently and being treated like a guy feels just about right. I used to be uncomfortable with being treated like a girl, that's why I've done the experimentation. Before, I've done lots of things that missed the point and I inhabited the "tough chick" mold for quite a long time. I don't understand women, too, and have never. I tried to fit in, but they were constantly rejecting me with ostentation and showed off their dislike. I must admit, their motives remain unclear to me. I miss something blatant. I can't feel something the feel and unconsciously step on their toes. With guys it's never the case. Even though men have a custom of mocking each other, I fit into it :eusa_doh: And even though you have to carry heavy things and open doors. I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like the right thing to do, that I'm the right kind of person to do it. At the same time, I don't feel particularily attatched to the idea of me as a female or to the idea of me as a male.

    I had body dysphoria as a teen. Since I didn't know that I feel like a boy, it never took the form of "this body isn't mine". I just didn't understand what was going on (emotionally, intellectually - I was informed before what's up to happen) and was unhappy about it. I wanted it to stop, but most of my puberty happened in an eyeblink and early. It all just felt gross, wierd, alien, even though I rationally knew that it's normal female puberty and that it was supposed to happen. I lacked some fundamental understanding, instinct... I dealt with body dysphoria somehow and it went away. I mean, I will never have the instinctual understanding of being female, but I can happily live as I am.

    And I know how to be a man, oddly. I find myself in rivalry, care a lot if I'm strong, I'm an adrenaline addict and I'm obsessed with sex (in comparison to my female friends). My sexuality would make a penis function properly and I know how to use it just from the back of my head. Being a man always seemed to be more instinctual to me. I envied boys that they get the easier end of things. I believe I have a quite manly brain.

    I guess, I just joined the dots recently. I dunno what else. I present as female and look androgynous. I'm fine with it, I guess. Actually, it was a friend that suggested me the idea that I'm probably not a woman after all. He did it between the lines. I get gendered in a mixed fashion, even among people I know and who know I'm female. I guess I'm living as genderqueer.

    Anyways, is that even possible that I'm trans if I feel no need for transition? Is it possible that I bet dysphoria some other way and at the same time my gender is masculine?
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    Yup, you can be trans and not feel the need to transition. It doesn't make you more or less trans.
     
  3. BradThePug

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    There are some people that won't transition. Like Daydreamer1 said, it does not make them less trans. It just means that they are not able to or do not feel the need to traisition. What matters in the end is if you are comfortable in your body.
     
  4. Eveline

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    Just presenting as male and behaving in ways that you perceive as masculine goes a long way in reducing the severeness of dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a way for our mind to tell us that we were born in the wrong body, once you understand that and take steps towards correcting that the dysphoria can disappear. It does sound like you are trans and I'm so glad that you found a way to accept yourself for who you are. (*hug*)

    Eveline
     
    #4 Eveline, Feb 21, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2016