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Grief

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, Feb 22, 2016.

  1. Mihael

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    Does it go away? How long did you take to get over it if you did?
     
  2. Systems

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    Grief over what? Being trans?

    I don't think I feel grief over being trans per se, but I'm still grieving the loss of my correct body from when I went through the wrong puberty. I've always expected to kill myself over this loss, and for the last year I've been having urges to kill myself whenever I'm reminded of it, and since I was 11 until about a week ago I was planning on killing myself because of this loss.

    I can't imagine ever being able to process this grief. All I can do is try to ignore it and avoid being reminded of what could have been, which unfortunately includes avoiding media and other trans people. I get triggered easily, so I don't come on here often. Everyone is different though. Other trans people seem to cope really well with the wrong puberty, and some might not even feel it was wrong at all.
     
  3. Mihael

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    grief over not living your life / living a life not of your own and losing something that will never come back, experiences, years...
     
  4. DreamerBoy17

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    Oh, I get that type of grief.

    Almost looking at my brother in jealousy because he naturally gets to experience childhood as a cis guy and just has access to all of these things I never will get back. I see old pictures and I feel like I wasted 13 years of my life being someone I wasn't.

    How do I get past it?
    I have to look at the future ahead. My past doesn't define me. I'm just as valid as any cis guy even if I wasn't born male. Don't get me wrong, it hurts so badly to think of everything I missed out on, but I have to focus on making my future better so I can actively make more memories identifying as male. Of course, I imagine things must be much worse for a trans person discovering their identity later in life.
     
  5. Mihael

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    I'm not too old fortunately. I lost just childhood and puberty. Not completely, fortuantely. Not being aware makes it easier to do your stuff and not bother :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: You don't even know you're doing it XD

    You do get past. Hugs. There is a way out. Thank you.
     
  6. Systems

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    I do feel bad for missing out on a childhood and young adulthood living authentically, but it doesn't bother me too much. I don't consider that time entirely wasted. I made a good friend during that time, and pursued my hobbies and higher education.

    I guess it helps that I'm still very immature in many ways. I'm dependent on my parents. I'm going through the right puberty now. I'm learning how to drive. I'm making true friends. I'm in a similar place as many 15 years olds, except I have an associate's degree and am studying for a bachelor's degree. I definitely feel like a teenager, for the first time in my life. So in a way I consider myself an adolescent and don't think I completely missed out on adolescence.
     
  7. Mihael

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    Hm, that's actually true, I'm an adolescent as well in many aspects, despite being 20 :slight_smile: So I have it now. I'm doing all the crazy things and am finally able to make proper friends XD