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Am I really transgender?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by BobJones, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. BobJones

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    In the past eight months, I have felt an increasing amount of dysphoria. I have been growing uncomfortable with being male and wanting to be a woman. I have even thought of a female name that I love, and wish to use in time. I feel pained that I'm biologically a male, and I wish I were a woman, and I feel pained that I'll never be a biological female. I'm in tears about it at some rare occasions.
    There are just some issues.
    Little clear dysphoria until eight months ago.
    I have enjoyed dressing nicely in male clothing in the past.
    Sometimes, I don't feel fully female/ feminine
    During puberty, I was eager to get taller, grow facial hair, etc because I wanted to look older.
    Sometimes, I just feel neutral...
    Sometimes, I feel, that since I'll likely just look like a man in drag, I shouldn't even bother transition and it makes me sadder as each day goes on.
    Is this any reason to doubt?
     
  2. Lacybi

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    If you don't feel fully female then maybe demigirl would be something to look into. As for dysphoria, well I've only started experiencing it recently but yesterday I realised that I've always felt it to some degree. If you think back maybe there's some things that you forgot about? When I was younger I wanted to grow breasts but no I'm trying to hide them; go figure!
     
  3. Systems

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    There are an infinite number of ways to experience being trans. You clearly want to look female and have people see you as female. I don't see any reason to doubt you being female or trans in some other way. Keep in mind that trans women are inherently as female as cis women.

    It seems common for trans people to not question their gender at all until they're adults. Society tells us a million times what our genders are. It's normal to not question what we've been told our whole lives.

    If you sometimes don't feel fully female, you might be demigirl, gender fluid, bigender, agender, or even genderqueer. I have a friend who identifies as genderqueer but needs to look female. It's also normal for transfeminine people (I hope I'm not bombarding you with too much jargon-transfeminine is an umbrella term for trans people assigned male at birth who identify as female or female-ish or need to look female) to not be extremely feminine. I identify as fully female but I'm not very feminine or masculine. I like dressing in men's clothing.

    I went through a stage of trying to look as masculine as possible. I even succeeding in repressing my gender identity for a while. This came after I was horrified by the wrong puberty coming. I wasn't happy about looking more and more masculine. It was more of an obligation and part of my disguise. I was paranoid about people figuring out that I was a trans girl. I dealt with a lot of transphobia and shit when I tried coming out at 11 to try to skip the wrong puberty. But if you were excited about puberty and looking older, that would hardly be surprising or noteworthy. Society told you it'd be great.

    I was also worried about looking like a man in drag if I transitioned. That's a normal thing to worry about. I quietly started transitioning for 6 months while still pretending to be a man. My frustration with people misgendering me finally hit the tipping point in March last year, and I've been openly female since then. I need people to see me as female, and I need to see myself as female. I figure that any steps in the right direction are better than none. I might never fully pass, but I don't necessarily want to fully pass. I want to look absolutely female, but I don't mind my masculine voice or other masculine things about me.

    Hormones help with looking female. They also bring a sense of peace and congruence in one's body. There's also facial feminization surgery and bottom surgery.

    Not every aspect of transition is necessarily right for everyone. Although I'm growing out my hair, wearing more feminine clothes, taking hormones, getting facial feminization surgery, and have socially transitioned, other aspects of transition aren't for me, like bottom surgery, feminizing my body language, or training my voice. You don't have to go all out and do everything. Do what appeals to you, even if that means medical transition without social transition, or social transition without medical transition, or whatever.
     
  4. darkcomesoon

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    You are really trans. It's easy to not realize you have dysphoria for a long time. It's not a big deal that you like men's clothes sometimes; clothes don't define gender (would you doubt the gender of a cis woman who sometimes liked nice men's clothes?).

    You don't have to feel your gender all the time. I don't feel like a guy half the time. I don't even know what it means to feel like a guy. What are guys supposed to feel like? What one feeling do all men have in common? I want to be a guy physically and socially, so I am one. If you want to be a woman physically and socially, you shouldn't feel pressured to identify as anything else.
     
  5. BradThePug

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    Like systems said, we all experience dysphoria in different ways. We also all realize that we have dysphoria. Just because you have a different experience than othershe does not mean that you are not transgender. It just means that you have a different experience. The good thing is that you have time to explore your identity. It is something that can be really confusing, but in the end it is totally worth it.
     
  6. Mihael

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    I also liked the idea of growing boobs in order to seem older... And pretended to be more feminine that I am in order to get into relationships with guys, be accepted, to feel like a woman.
    I have instant feelings of everything: femininity, masculinity, neutrality
    I thought I can't wear men's clothing or look more like a guy, because I'll look like in drag and ugly, because I have very feminine facial features and very wide hips and narrow shoulders. Now I don't give a damn, wear them, and although I don't pass as cis, it is still much better than not doing it at all and getting everyone think I'm a normal woman.

    Huge virtual hugs.
     
  7. BobJones

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    I thank you all for your input. you are all very helpful. I'd say my main setback is my fear of not passing.
     
  8. BobJones

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    Today was one of those neutral days, where I don't feel male or female. Maybe it's that I think about my gender so much that I'm tired of thinking about it...
     
  9. Hint

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    ..
    I needed to hear this.
    Thank you.