I hate myself. In all seriousness, I don't believe any other human being could be more abusive to me than I am to myself on a regular basis. If they were, they'd likely be imprisoned. The thought cycles are vicious, guilt consuming, depression sapping... I don't know how to see worth in myself at all. I cannot stand the person I am, can't seem to let go of mistakes I've made or move past how I've hurt people I care about. I still have so much pain in regard to my body and gender. Perhaps this is a ridiculous rant. After all, one would think that practicing self-love is easy. Yet I seem to have forgotten how. All I have left for me is hate and pain and I don't know how to change it. If anyone can offer insight, I will listen. Thank you.
Self love is hard. Damn hard. It takes practice, and learning how to ignore those parts of yourself that others criticise. It takes learning how to look in the mirror and see the good that others see. There's a reason for my username. I take photos and discard most of them. it takes a lot for me to look at myself and not criticise. To listen to others when they talk about things about me that they like. Find something small about yourself that you like. That others like. What do your friends see? What. Do others on here see?
Yup. A method is to realize other's opinions don't have to be (in fact they are not) more important or valid than the opinion you have of yourself... Which perhaps you need to rebuild from scratch first. It's hard to conduct an internal philarmonic orchestra when there is a hellish noise of cars and people shouting at you outside, but it can be done. There is a sentence that comes to mind : Looking inside is waking up, looking outside is dreaming. If you can't transition right now, try to make the best of it. Even during a transition life doesn't stop, it goes on. Do whatever you need to make yourself feel better, including shutting down your own emotions when they overwhelm you. Force yourself to find something that makes you laugh, really laugh, at least once a day, no matter how idiotic or trivial it is. You need to laugh to deal with this shitty life. (*hug*) (don't worry I had a shower today)
