So, I've been IDing under the nonbinary umbrella for a long time (used to consider myself FTM before that) but lately it's just been like... idk... I have a lot of conflicting feelings about my gender... It's like, I'm queer, and my queerness plays very heavily into my gender, but that doesn't necessarily make me trans, in the same way that being THIS conflicted about my gender makes me pretty clearly not cis. It's like I'm folded into some weird grey area that people try not to acknowledge or something. Example - most of the time, I'm great with she/her or they/them pronouns, sometimes preferring one a bit over the other. But sometimes (and I never tell anyone this) I'm more comfortable with ze/zir or ne/nem/nir or other "alternative" pronouns, and sometimes, when people call me a "he", I'm even okay with that... In terms of presentation & the like, I consider myself to be soft butch, which is, yknow, one of the only things that I'm comfortable with calling myself 100% of the time. So I'm curious - is this something that other people have experienced, esp. other butch folks? Or am I just strange lol. (Sorry for the wall of text)
I've been struggling with the same issue. You're not alone. For the longest time I just tried to convince myself I'm just your textbook butch, but lately I've been noticing my behavior and mentality is far more masculine. I'm comfortable in my body and am very proud of being female but I like the outside appearance of a male and prefer male pronouns but am still totally comfortable with female pronouns. You're not strange. I consider myself a bigender or androgynous person. I don't conform to just one gender. I carry traits of both. So maybe look into information about that. That's what helped me. Also having a great support system. I completely understand where you're coming from and I promise you you're not the only one.
