Today was the first day that I binded in public. It's something that I've worked up to gradually, from dressing more androgynous I guess... I pretty much wear guys or unisex clothes but my chest gives me away as female instantly. I honestly don't think I look male when I bind, but I think I could either look boyish female or like an andro guy. Today, I had some mixed experiences... When riding a bike, two guys were walking out of a store and one said watch out for the guy (me on the bike), to which his friend responded "that's a woman", "Nah, that's a guy". Got referred to as "girl" when a random guy asked me for spare change. At least a couple of people stared at me or did a double take, like they were trying to figure me out. Including in the bathroom. A lot more guys seemed to look at me less (in a checking-out way) and a few even said like "hey dude" or "what's up" when I walked past which has never really happened before To be honest, the feeling was different, and also something I was very conscious of, but also something that felt sort of right... in the way that I didn't feel like I was being put into the 'female' box which I feel totally uncomfortable in. Although I think I felt a bit more afraid of being perceived as a fem dude than a boyish girl, just because around where I live being a boyish girl is more acceptable... the other not so much. Does anyone else have experiences of noticing things similar to this when they've binded, or changed their expression like this? I know these aren't really *big things, but they kinda feel big when it's something that's so different to how you're used to being treated all of your life. It's hard to explain...
Wow, sounds like binding has made a big impact in your life! That's great to hear. Since I'm still in school, most of my interactions take place there, and nobody really treated me differently for it, probably because I never had the biggest moobs to begin with. :lol: It did make me feel a whole lot mentally better, though. When I do go out of the house with my family, even a few days ago, I heard little kids debating about my gender at the park... The thing throwing me off was my neon blue shoes and I can live with that. When I was at a trampoline park yesterday, where there was a dodgeball game, the guys treated me as though I were more competent than my female friends, tossing me balls and calling me bro and stuff. I wasn't binding there, but it still made a difference in my gender presentation. And I have been passing a lot more consistently thanks to my binder. So, there you go!
Sure I have experienced it. As soon as I quit the drag and cut my hair, 99% of men stopped checking me out, and some women started to act funny : Some can't stand me for some reason, some seem to be mildly attracted to me, but the way all women react to me changed practically overnight. I can't imagine going back, it never felt normal, this feels normal to me. ... And of course, the fact that men are not checking me out anymore has done wonders to what I used to call my social anxiety... Now I don't have it at all, I just feel normal most of the time and have no troubles talking or interacting to people anymore (by the way, I used to be a very social child) A couple of times women were uncomfortable at the bathrooms, and once one even wanted to kick me out with the words 'Oh, God, you scared me, you do look like a boy'. I tend to go to men's now. There is however this 1% of men that still check me out. I'd say the 0,75% are just confused, trying to figure out my gender. And of course the 0,25% left must be gay. I get called regularly 'boy' and 'young man', and even after I speak they won't say 'oops, sorry, my bad'. I had to work a lot on my voice and I must keep it always short, but I think it's worth it. The more I blend in, the more comfortable I feel in front of people, so I know I'm doing things right. To me it felt just right, just going back to the normal life I had.
Congratulations! I get mixed interpretations as well. I think I generally pass pretty well as a guy in public but it's often ruined when I have to talk. I don't have a very feminine voice either but it still gives me away, which was disappointing. I've noticed that I seem to pass more often in my hometown than my college town. I think there people just assume I'm in college and therefore must be female since I don't look like a college age guy. Other than what people call me and some people debating my gender when they think I can't hear, I don't think I've really noticed any differences in how people treat me but I'm also not very observant. There were a couple girls giving me weird looks at the mall a while back. I think it bothers people sometimes when they can't quite fit you into one of their two nice male and female boxes.
That's interesting. Yeah, it feels so much better mentally to bind and present male/ambiguous. And I'm glad to hear that no one treated you differently at school, like in a negative way. And it's not like you're a different person (I assume they're respectful of pronouns and stuff?), so that's great. I imagine that my friends probably would be the same. I'm having to live away from them all now. Gosh, having a small chest is so good, compared to the thought of being larger. I don't know how I would cope otherwise with dysphoria, especially because I'm not really that keen for any surgery. Interesting how guys treated you differently too... Congrats on passing! :icon_bigg Quitting the drag... is almost exactly what it feels like. The reactions that you mentioned from other people were really interesting... The social anxiety from getting checked out by straight men in public, I get that too but I'm not sure if this is like a normal thing. I'm sure not every female appreciates the attention, but I don't think I would mind if they were bi or gay guys... Nope, probably not at all. But getting checked out by straight guys just feels awkward. How did you work on your voice, exactly? I often feel frustrated because my voice doesn't match up to my internal one. I've tried talking deeper, but I feel like I seem annoyed or serious or something. Maybe I'm concentrating too hard :lol: I don't really want to change the way I speak, like the personality behind it, just the voice. Which seems hard to do... Yeah, totally. I'll admit that even when I see someone ambiguous I'm kinda curious. I need to stop doing that too. I would never find it acceptable and definitely wouldn't ever say anything out loud or stare though That's interesting it effects how people perceive your age as well... Guess this could be a good or a bad thing. I think the voice is one of the hardest things too -__- Thanks for sharing :icon_bigg Thanks all for responding. It was great and helpful to read your experiences! :icon_bigg (*hug*)
