so for a really while I've been questioning myself if I'm trans and I've been not comfortable with myself and all I want is to be happy with myself and do what I feel like too. The problem is that Iv'e made a mistake (we can say). I was texting my friend cause I wanted to tell her that I might cut my hair short. Then I was waiting till she texts me. Then my "friend" that I sort of hate asked "what is so important to tell her? Are you hiding something? Why I can't know it?" I didn't want her to know. But she was really annoying like crazy so I told her. Then she said "Ok and?" I told her the reason I don't know I was thinking I was seriously not thinking and she hurted me. She said "Oh wow really your a girl and look at you you dress up like a girl there's no way your one!" and she really hurted my feelings after that. I seriously don't know what I was thinking to tell her that I wasn't thinking and right now I so regret it! The problem is that I really don't wanna be girly (I was) so it's like I'm not for now but I don't wear the clothes that I'm comfortable with like I wear girl clothes but a bit tomboy. I guess I'm just too scared to be more like a guy we can say that's why but I'm trying to make myself comfortable I'm working on it. But I'm sure my parents will think I'm weird like I think that they already think I'm weird or changed. Like I really like guy stuff like video games and I play guy games with guys online while they probably don't know that I'm a girl so it's like I can pretend to be a guy. But my mom saw that Iv'e been playing a lot of guy video games and saw that I don't wanna put nail polish (I think) cause I was upsesed with nail polish but not anymore. For now it's like I don't even feel comfortable about my room I feel like it doesn't describes me (it's girly and I hate it!) I wanna change it but we painted and fix it all a few months ago so not a good idea for now same thing with my hair (long story. But the problem is that Iv'e always felt like a guy in the inside but I wasn't showing it so right now no one will think that I'm trans I just wanted to be like the other girls. But I'll never be and I don't want that anymore I just want to be myself... Exemple when I go to school I look girly (cause I'm scared and I go to a private school so I have girl clothes for the year) and in the weekend I just feel like I have liberty to be myself. And I'm really scared of what the others will think about me like I'm sort of scared at school. So it's like I wake in the morning in the week for school I just don't feel comfortable with myself and feel like people don't know me for real but at the weekend I wake up and feel the liberty to be who I want cause I have no one to judge me. Is there any device (I wanna start slowly) like that could probably make me feel more comfortable or just to help me be myself a bit? I'm really scared but does anyone have advices?
If you feel as though you are trans and feel uncomfortable dressing/acting girly then you should be yourself. If you start slowly dressing as you like maybe it would help. Don't worry about what other people think of you. Do what makes YOU happy. One thing that may help is a binder, they work will for making your chest flat. And that seems to help with me. But, otherwise just don't worry what others think of you and start thinking about what makes you happy.
That's a rough situation. You opened up to someone and trusted them with an important and sensitive part of yourself, and they hurt you. But don't be discouraged. There are many people who would react positively if you give them a chance. Take your time. Do what you feel is right for you. It's hard to open up to people about this stuff. I know what it's like. I felt so stuck. Everyone thought I was a guy, with no doubt about it. The absolute scariest thing I've ever done is tell my mom I'm not a man, but I did it, and now I'm openly trans and I act like myself now. It's amazing. You sound pretty sure you're a guy. In an ideal world, would everyone know you as a man? Would you like to look more male? Would you like to dress more masculine? If these are things you want, you might choose to pursue them. If you want to do something about your feelings of being a guy, a good first step is learning about transgender people. All kinds of transgender people. We're really diverse. Learn about how we might express ourselves, or how we come out to people, or how we change our wardrobe, or what medical changes to our bodies we might choose to have. You can do that here by asking questions, or also browsing the forum to get ideas about who you are or what you want to do. There's also a great book about transgender people called Trans Bodies, Trans Selves. It gives all kinds of information about pretty much everything about trans people. If you don't want to be seen reading it by people you know, you can read it in a library. Also, if changing how you look interests you, you could start changing how you dress, or how you style your hair, without having to tell people about your gender. You can just dress how you want and not explain yourself to people.
TiaKay, my advice to you would be to take baby steps. if you're worried about school (which is funny - i have the opposite problem), gradually change your appearance. bouncing off of what Systems said, i'd go just a bit further and impress upon you that explanations are not necessary. if you're cornered at school, "because i feel like it" and "i like it" are fine. or, say nothing Systems' book recommendation was spot on. we're all very diverse here so the opinions on EC vary, but i hope the love is eternal. (&&&) baby steps.
You don't have tell anyone if you don't want to, you are not obliged to tell anyone or say anything to them you don't want to. Not being yourself is just going to make you feel more miserable, so just start taking slow steps in the direction that makes you comftable. When I came out at school i sent an e mail to the teachers and told my friends and hopes that they would all tell everyone else so people wouldn't be wondering what was goin on with me. But lately I've found out that hardly anyone knows, but even though most of them don't even know what transgender is, they don't bother me about it (except call me wrong name and pronouns). Some people will be dicks about it, but remember that it is probably because they don't know enough about what is transgender. If your friends are like that and it is making you feel bad, don't hang out with them. If you do encounter dicks, though, point them in the right direction if you can. Like tell give them to go research it, or give them a definition of what transgender is. Then you know that if they have the capacity to educate themselves but they still be dicks about it then they really are just a dick, so you can just tell them to get out of your life
