How do I remember to use the right pronouns?

My unexperienced advice would be to believe it yourself that they are more than female.

For example if they were FtM you wouldn't say something like this "Oh she told me to call her he now, so I will do it".

You would do something like this "He is not a woman but a man, so naturally I know the right pronoun for men".

So once your subconscious has changed your perspective about them, the pronoun should come more automatically

Also don't get too sad because you are in fact trying your best and it is very common to make mistakes at the beginning.

 

It takes time to get used to using a new set of pronouns with a person. It takes even longer if they are using a pronoun that is not as common. It took me a long time to get the hang of they/them pronouns, just because it was something that I was not used to. I would just tell them that you are trying, and that they can correct you in the future if you do mess up. Also, when you do mess up, it's best to correct yourself in as calm of way as possible. It's easy to freak out, but that tends to make the situation more awkward.

 

Try practicing using their pronouns in your head when you refer to them, like "their favorite color is __" or "They are my friend." You get the idea. Do this enough times and you'll get the hang of it eventually. I did this with my friends that used different pronouns than the ones that I used when I first met them.

Also just a quick note, if you mess up, don't make a big deal about it. The best way to deal with slipping up with pronouns is to quickly apologize, correct yourself, and move on. Making a big deal about it makes the mistake all about yourself and puts the person that got misgendered in an (for lack of better term) awkward position.

 

Honestly it'll just take time and practice. Its alright if you mess up a little at the beginning, no one should be expecting you to get them right first time. Also it tends to be worse when you make a big deal out of getting it wrong, just say "oh I'm sorry, they" or "I mean they". Don't stress too much or put a load of pressure on yourself to get it right every time. You'll get the hang of it eventually.

 

It takes some getting used to, even they are probably still adjusting. When you slip up, just pause, correct yourself, move on. Try not to make it a big deal, I'm sure your friend understands, you don't need to beat yourself up so badly about it.

 

Just take your time and adjust. It's as much an adjustment for you as it is for them! If you text them a lot, maybe make a quick note in your phone - put their preferred pronouns by their name until the slip ups start to lessen naturally. That way, you'll see their pronouns every day without them having to remind you, and without you having to give it much thought. And when you do slip up, which is inevitable, don't panic - just correct yourself and make a mental note for next time. Believe me, a quick sorry and the right pronouns after a slip up is MUCH preferred to an exhaustive apology by most trans people.

---------- Post added 19th Mar 2016 at 11:17 PM ----------

The majority of trans people I know, myself included, usually just brush off slip-ups, especially after first coming out to someone. They happen, sometimes for a while. It's natural. The only time I've ever heckled anyone about it was when it really felt like they couldn't be assed to correct themself and use my pronouns because it was "too hard". As long as you never tell your friend that their pronouns are too hard to remember, I'm sure they won't be too hurt if and when you do slip up!

 

As the person who gets misgendered by some people, if I see the other person is trying and just make one mistake in a while, I will overlook that and not even correct them.

No need to fret!

Cheers

 

It takes some getting used to for a lot of people. We grow up our whole lives using "he" and "she" so we use them pretty much instinctively. Just tell your friend that it's not on purpose, that you're trying and make sure to apologize each and every time you fuck it up. You'll get it eventually. Just being able to catch yourself in the act when you do screw it up is a good start.