I live in Mississippi, which is trying to pass some anti-LGBT laws. I haven't come out yet because I still live at home, and I don't plan to come out until I'm well established at college and can semi-provide for myself. I basically am just hoping for the best but trying to prepare for the worst. Anyways, can you guys help me think up a checklist of things that I need to do or take care of? I'm really worried about dorms, bathrooms and my birth name but I have no clue what to do. Please help me!!! :tears:
well, for your birth name, i saw a tumblr post once where you can contact your professors and just explain that the name you go by is different than your birth name. you arent required to say why, if i remember correctly. as for the rest of it...im facing the same problem as you (im going to college in the fall), and the college im going to has special LGBT-friendly housing. can you look at your college website and see if that's an option for you? if not, i dont know what you should do. im very paranoid and i would wait until i came out before trying to get male housing, but that's just me. i wish you the best of luck!!
For residence halls, there are a few things that I would suggest. The first is that I would look to find out what the hall you will be living in is named. With that information, you should be able to find out who is the director of that residence hall. (These people are sometimes called RHD's.) I would then send them an email, explaining that you are transgender. They will probably be able to help you with any issues that you will face with living on campus. Next, if you have a roommate, I would send them an email. Not everybody is comfortable having a roommate that identifies as a different gender, so it is better to find that out now than after the semester starts. Some schools have 2 week room freeze policies, where you can only move in the case of extreme emergencies. For professors, there is a template online that you can send that explains to a professor why you are going by a different name, and also explains that you would like to be referred to using male pronouns. Finally, I would do some research into the policies of your school. If there is an LGBT center on your campus, they will be able to help you do this. I would see if there is a system to have preferred names shown instead of legal names. I would also see what the policies are on transgender people using the bathroom of their gender identity. Those are the main things that I would check before you go to school. Some of these may be easier to take care of once you are on campus.
I totally agree with Brad regarding dorms! As for bathrooms, try and scope your school out for any gender-neutral bathrooms there are. They may not specifically be "gender-neutral" but single-occupancy restrooms are required in most public schools, as they're used for people with disabilities and for families with children as well. There probably wont be many, but you should be able to find at least one or two on campus. There's an app called Refuge Restrooms that's specifically made to help trans people find neutral-gendered bathrooms in public places. If you have a smartphone I reccomend downloading that app and seeing what people have tagged in your area. As for birth name, some schools have a preferred name form. Your school might not have one, but I know all the public schools in my state do. For my state at least, there's an online form basically just saying that your legal name is ____ but on unofficial school records (what they give to teachers/TAs/etc.) your name will say ____. These are helpful for both trans students and also for international students with names that white people make fun of, which is why Cali's UC system has them (my school). If your uni doesn't have something like that, there's a really helpful email template that I use for all my teachers, it's something like: Dear Prof. ____ My name is [First and Last names]. I am a student in your [Class name] class that takes place on [Days/Times] this Quarter/Semester. On your roster I will show up as [Legal Name], but prefer to be called [Real name] and I go by [Pronouns] pronouns. I understand you have a lot of students to remember, but would very much appreciate it if you could keep this in mind. Thank you very much for your time, and I look forward to studying in your class this quarter/semester [Name] It's gone over fairly well with all my teachers at university and although some professors like to be total dicks, the ones that really matter usually tend to be supportive.
