I'm feeling pretty torn lately regarding people using my name and pronouns. I'm out to most people and anyone who asks and when I ask them to call me George and he/him pronouns, some people don't do it, but most make an effort but still get it wrong most of the time. When my mum gets it wrong I correct her but she gets really pissed at me because she thinks I'm "attacking her" and she says that she "is trying". I've tried explaining to her that I'm only reminding her and I'm not angry at her for getting it wrong (even though it does make me really angry and upset inside whenever she gets it wrong but I try to hide that).So now whenever I've tried correcting other people like friends and extended family I feel like they also think I'm attacking them when I correct them. But I don't correct them if they correct themselves. I asked my brother if he would find this annoying, and he said yes. So I'm wondering, what do you other people do? Or would you find it rude if someone corrected you whenever you got their name or pronouns wrong?
I'm not assertive or confident enough to correct people, only my mum. I definitely think that it's needed because otherwise they're just going to constantly forget. The rare times I do correct people in just go 'Zac' or 'he' immediately after they say it so they can correct themselves and people tend not to get offended, they're more embarrassed and uncomfortable that they got it wrong in the first place. Sure it may be annoying for some at the beginning but the quicker they get it right the less you'll be correcting so thats some insentive. Most people won't feel like you're attacking them. You're just reminding in the hope that they'll remember for next time. That's the best thing you can do. Family are probably going to react a bit differently to friends and outsiders so don't let your mums reaction and behaviour affect you correcting others.
I don't correct most people because I am not brave, but when I do I tend to go "You mean he." In a joking tone to make it seem that I am amused by their slip up. This tends to mean I can correct them without them feeling attacked.
Well, I would find it rude if somebody corrected me rudely, but correcting somebody that you know nicely is completely encouraged and acceptable to me. If somebody said "it's {insert new pronoun}, I wouldn't like it. But "I don't know if I told you this, but now I go by George. If you could call me him/his/George now, that'd be great".
I think people who accuse you of "attacking" them when you correct them on your name and pronouns are incredibly obnoxious. If it were a different situation, would it be seen as an attack? Let's say you were a cis guy named George and your classmate kept calling you Jerry. If, when he called you Jerry, you went "actually, it's George", do you think people would go "oh my god stop attacking him can't you see he's trying?" or do you think they would be sympathetic because frankly it's kinda weird if your classmate kept calling you Jerry and you just let it slide. Personally, I think what you're doing is fine. If your mom calls you the wrong name and doesn't correct herself, it means she's forgotten (for the moment). When you forget someone's name, it's pretty standard to remind them. That being said, cis people can get really sensitive about this stuff, so you still have to be nice to her about it. Try going a little while without correcting her at all and see how she does. If she does okay on her own, let it slide. Remembering on her own means she's likely to keep improving without reminders. If she misgenders you and uses the wrong name almost all the time, have a conversation with her in which you let her know that you know she's really trying but it makes you uncomfortable and unhappy to hear your old name. Ask her if there is anything you and she can do to help her remember. Honestly, at least when I'm feeling brave I'm pretty "aggressive" about it. I'll remind people about my name and pronouns when they slip up. It makes me uncomfortable to be misgendered and I feel like it's really not my problem if a gentle reminder makes them feel "attacked". I shouldn't have to stand by while they make me feel uncomfortable and disrespected just because they can't handle being corrected.
I think people who accuse you of "attacking" them when you correct them on your name and pronouns are incredibly obnoxious. If it were a different situation, would it be seen as an attack? Let's say you were a cis guy named George and your classmate kept calling you Jerry. If, when he called you Jerry, you went "actually, it's George", do you think people would go "oh my god stop attacking him can't you see he's trying?" or do you think they would be sympathetic because frankly it's kinda weird if your classmate kept calling you Jerry and you just let it slide. Personally, I think what you're doing is fine. If your mom calls you the wrong name and doesn't correct herself, it means she's forgotten (for the moment). When you forget someone's name, it's pretty standard to remind them. That being said, cis people can get really sensitive about this stuff, so you still have to be nice to her about it. Try going a little while without correcting her at all and see how she does. If she does okay on her own, let it slide. Remembering on her own means she's likely to keep improving without reminders. If she misgenders you and uses the wrong name almost all the time, have a conversation with her in which you let her know that you know she's really trying but it makes you uncomfortable and unhappy to hear your old name. Ask her if there is anything you and she can do to help her remember. Honestly, at least when I'm feeling brave I'm pretty "aggressive" about it. I'll remind people about my name and pronouns when they slip up. It makes me uncomfortable to be misgendered and I feel like it's really not my problem if a gentle reminder makes them feel "attacked". I shouldn't have to stand by while they make me feel uncomfortable and disrespected just because they can't handle being corrected.
Yeah this is what I usually do. I've got a friend who is so sweet, even though she slips up all the time, she makes proper apologies to me every week or so for slipping up and not remembering and when I correct her she just quickly apologises and then we carry on talking as normal :rolle: I wish everyone could be like her Also thank you everyone for the replies, they were really helpful and gave me a lot to think about
I am still way too meek about this. At least I have figured out not to take it too badly when my friends or family who I've come out to slip up, since I know they love me anyway and don't mean any harm by their mistakes.
