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Flattery Makes Me Question Being Trans

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mr Spock, Apr 3, 2016.

  1. Mr Spock

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    So this Saturday was my school's prom, and I really enjoyed it. I wore a black suit with a white shirt, suspenders and a purple bow-tie, pocket square and pin corsage. My mom wanted me to get my hair and makeup done professionally, and I did do it, to please my family and friends. (I brought an umbrella on the dance floor and even had a slow dance hug thing with a gay friend.)

    On to the problem. My whole circle of people who know me don't know that I'm trans, they just know that I dress more masculine, don't wear any makeup, and cut my hair short. When everyone saw the prom pictures and videos they were complimenting me, A LOT. And the flattery kind of makes me question my being transgender, especially because the makeup and hairdo didn't really bother me. I looked like a completely different person, and from my eye's point of view I saw a nice suit with small feminine flares in the purple. (I kept telling people I looked like the female version of Edward Cullen. :grin: )

    Everyone knows it feels great to be complimented, and I guess I feel guilty because I liked the feeling. I don't get a lot of people saying nice things about me all the time. Anyone else want to weigh in? Have any advice? I know that as soon as all this hoopla dies down I'll still wanna be a man. (Sorry for the rambling.)
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    Sorry if I sound confused, but why does feeling flattered about being complimented make you question if you're trans specifically? You're still a man at the end of the day because that's how you identify--and nobody can take that from you.
     
  3. Mr Spock

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    Because people were complimenting me as a female, and I liked it. Even though I'm not female. Is this what people who do drag go through? lol
     
  4. Matto_Corvo

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    People were complimenting you for LOOKING GOOD, not because you are female.
    And you are can totally enjoy being compliment for being a hot mess/sexy and still be a trans dude. Try not to over think it to much. Just focus on that fact that you know that as soon as the hoopla calms down you'll still want to be a man. That tells you all you need to know right there.
     
    #4 Matto_Corvo, Apr 3, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2016
  5. Kodo

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    I have been complimented, as a female, for my looks. While I appreciate the sentiment and I know whoever complimented me was doubtless well meaning, it still makes me uncomfortable. If anything it aggravates the fact that I wish I were being complimented for masculine good looks.

    But, good looks are good looks. Often they "carry over" through transition. And it should give you hope that, if you're being noticed now, what a sharp fellow you'll be once you get on T, yeah?
     
  6. Ghostling

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    This is something I've struggled with a lot as well. I absolutely LOVE dresses and makeup and long curly wigs. I love my hips and waist and wear short skirts and thigh-highs way more than I wear baggy men's clothes, even though I fully identify as male. It took me years to understand that this was ok, and that didn't make me any less of a man. Because it doesn't.

    Feeling good about yourself isn't a bad thing. Feel good about yourself! Compliments are nice and if you looked nice, then you looked nice! There's nothing wrong with that. Even if they were complimenting you with the assumption that you were a girl, that ultimately doesn't matter. Because how you look doesn't change who you are, and how you act doesn't change who you are.
     
  7. Foxfeather

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    Omg. Totally understand.

    But then this one guy asked me out when I was being rather dykey and then I was like, y'know what, I can rock this.

    ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2016 at 11:08 PM ----------

    That is. Awesome.
     
  8. Delta

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    You probably have the appearance of an extremely handsome woman, but you know what else people like? Extremely handsome men. :slight_smile: