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Confused

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Liam900, Apr 4, 2016.

  1. Liam900

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Well, my entire life has sent me mixed messages about who I really am, from my early child hood to now I have always felt the opposite gender, and many times in my life I have thought to myself am I Trans Gender or am i not, it was a struggle for me because I went to a school where I didn't really have any friends, so i had nobody to talk to or support me, my father i don't think would support me either, from a very early age I have cross dressed so many times even though it has slowed down as I got older it always came back to me, I try to tell myself no this isn't right but somehow it always comes back, nobody in my family knows about this as far as i know and it has been an on going struggle to figure it out or not. Because I don't know if my family would support me or not.
     
  2. Liam900

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    Just to add this on, I really just cant figure out if I am MTF trans gender or not. Im not sure how to decide if I am, and if I am how to come out to people about it.
     
  3. Alder

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    There are some definite signs there, but this is something you should explore further which can help you find some more clarity.

    Some questions you could begin to think about: (there are no right or wrong answers, by the way. But thinking about these could point you in the right direction, or directions you can begin to understand your gender)

    • How do you feel about your body now?
    • Do you feel any discomfort with parts of it, anything you want to change?
    • If you could have any body you want, regardless of how other people would react and regardless of what you've grown to be used to, what would you want? What makes you feel good?
    • How do you feel about living the rest of your life as a woman, being addressed as and socially interacting as a woman?
    • How do you feel being addressed as and being treated as male, eg people using Mr, sir, he/him, or gendered male terms to you, or a gendered male name?
    • If you could live the rest of your life socially being treated as anyone (male, female, no gender), what would you be happiest with?
    • How do you feel growing up and living the rest of your life as you are now, in this body and being treated as and socialising as a man? Would you want it any differently?
    • Do you often relate more to men, women, or is it more unpredictable? Who do you often see yourself as or project yourself onto?
    • How does being a woman feel to you? Scary, exciting, right, something to look more into? How about being a man? Or how about both, or neither?

    These are super broad spectrum questions and they aren't conclusive, nor are they the only things you can think about. They can be pretty confusing, and that's alright. There's nothing that will "disqualify" you from being trans. It's all about helping you, and giving you more clarity. Just remember that having been raised and socialised as a certain gender for most/all of your life until now, some answers might not be as clear-cut or straightforward. Sometimes we're so used to certain things, even if they might not be completely right for us.

    Remember that there are nonbinary genders too, such as genderfluid or agender. You can look into those if you want. You can also look into trans Youtubers or stories online, there can be resources that can help you, and see if you relate to anything that's being said. Try experimenting with your gender expression more (different from your gender, but could still give you some hints), if it's safe to do so, or safely + temporarily changing parts of your body towards looking more like a cis female's to see if you feel happier or better that way. For me, that would be binding my chest, but I don't know as much about what trans women can do. There are many really helpful people on here who might have more experience, and who can help you out and give some advice though on that front. You can also try and see if female pronouns (she/her) feels right. The good thing about the internet is you can try a lot of things such as pronouns and names, without having to tell people in your day to day life, and for it to not be permanent.

    I know it can be scary to think about how people might react. But at the moment, do this for you. You are the priority when it comes to figuring out your gender.
    Good luck. This often takes time and that's alright. Hope you are able to find some answers and if you ever need some more insight/advice, EC can help you out a lot.
     
    #3 Alder, Apr 4, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2016
  4. Ghostling

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    My roommate had a very similar mindset when I first met her. She would tell me time and time again that she kept thinking that mayyybe she was a girl, cross-dressing in free time, hiding it away, but that it was just easier to continue along the path she had been.

    But let me tell you, once she started transitioning she became the best version of herself she could be, and she has never looked back. All of her doubts, she's telling me right now, just went away and she was finally able to freely be herself.

    Starting is hard. We all go through periods of doubt and struggling and anxiety over what might happen or what might not. Jake gave some amazing information about gender identities and I just kinda wanted to fill in some of the insecurities you were talking about. This stuff is tough, no lies here, but honestly and truly LOTS of things turn out so so much better than could even be hoped for. Don't let worries hold you back, it's okay to explore and experiment and figure out who you are. You have people watching your back!
     
  5. MsEmma

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Liam, I read these after I read your other post asking about how to come out. First, welcome to EC. People like Jake (@Alder) and Leif (@Ghostling) are awesome and you'll meet even more awesome people the more you post and spend time here. Truly a great community of spectacular people.

    (&&&)

    Like they said above, you're starting on a bit of a scary road, but the happiness you'll likely find at the end (and along the way) is better than any mythical pot of gold at a rainbow. Hang in there, babe... We are all rooting for you! (*hug*)