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Does it always get worse before it gets better?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by randomconnorcon, Apr 5, 2016.

  1. randomconnorcon

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    I really need to talk about this. Even if you don't have advice to give me or any words of encouragement, I think just getting it down will do more more good than having it circling around in my head.

    I figured out that all my discomfort growing up was maybe due to not being cisgender about two years ago. That was fine. Scary in ways, because I didn't know how to tell people, but overall something I could handle.

    I figured out I was definitely not cisgender about a year ago. That had more of the same feelings in terms of not knowing how to tell others, but having identities to look into and figure out what fit me made me feel a bit better.

    I came out to friends in September and family in December. That all went better than I expected.

    I started speaking with my GP and getting a referral in between those two (October). I've just now being put on the waiting list for the NHS funded GIC in London. That was fine. Frustrating because the wait is so long, but I thought I could handle it.

    Then I got my binder. I love my binder; it does the job as well as can be expected for someone with a chest like mine. When I wear it, it's not uncomfortable and I almost forget I have it on. But then I take it off and I feel like I have to do this just to pretend I have the body I want for a little while. And when I don't wear it, my mum would say I have to put up with a bra until I can have top surgery. I can't do that. I just can't. And it all makes me feel like utter crap, because I don't think I can't wait a year or two just to be seen for the first time by a psychiatrist. There'll still be a few months after that before I can start anything.

    I just... I hate that I have to wait for something I need to fix something that shouldn't have happened in the first place. It's like being sick and being told you have to wait for medicatation (not the best analogy, I know, I don't pretend they're necessarily the same thing, it's just how I feel sometimes).

    I have a job now and every so often (hopefully once a week) a bit of my wages will go in a little box I will call my transition fund. Maybe I'll be able to afford private care before the NHS finally gets to me. We'll see which one wins, because right now they're my only options and they both involve a lot of waiting.

    Until then, I'm still working out and stuff. And I'm legally changing my name soon. I guess this helps a little. Maybe it's just because I've never been a particularly patient person, but this feeling sucks.
     
    #1 randomconnorcon, Apr 5, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2016
  2. MsEmma

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    C.J. - I'm not a particularly patient person either. I'm of the mindset that once I've made a decision, it's game on and no one better get in my effing way, so I totally get you. le sigh.

    Anywho, that old adage "it's always darkest before the dawn" applies, I guess. {although, since I don't sleep much and am a retired Marine, I must say that's b.s. It's darkest between evening astronomical twilight and morning astronomical twilight. </end rant>} In reality, life is full of emotional peaks and valleys. Before you know it, you'll be on the upswing again and having a gay old time. Your financial planning sounds great and, if you're anything like me, the mere existence of a plan makes things better. Big deep breath, C.J. You got this!

    Sending hugs your way!
    (*hug*)
     
  3. Aberrance

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    The NHS is great and cause you get things free and that's good and all but the wait times are crazy. If you're struggling with the times the YouTuber Alex Bertie made a video of how to deal with them. Its pretty helpful and just reminds you that you're not alone here.

    I really don't want to make things worse for you but the private gender clinics in the UK also have extremely long waiting times. Both transhealth and gender care are over 6 months up to a year and even then you'll have to have consultations with a psych before seeing the endocrinologist. Theyre just as bad as the NHS at the moment because of the demand.

    If you got referred in October you've already done 5 months! That's only just under half way. I found out today that my referral went through last month so I've been on the Charring Cross waiting list for a month now. We've both got time to wait but there are things you can do to try to ease the time it takes.

    Try and make a list of all the things you want to do, regarding transition, up until the end of the year. Date everything and try to do something every fortnight so you have something closer to focus on and look forward to (or stress over) rather than the wait. So your name change could be put on there. Something as small as buy a new shirt or come out to another person. Just keep yourself busy and distract yourself.

    Its difficult now but you'll get there eventually. Just remind yourself that this is all part of the process. Every trans person goes through this. We're all in the same boat and the waiting times are always going to be the worst part.
     
  4. randomconnorcon

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    I watch Alex's videos. They are good to go to. And I know about the wait times for private care, too; but Charing Cross are getting up to two years, so I guess I'm just keeping my options open. My impatient side is looking for little ways in.

    I started going to my GP in October, but he didn't believe me. I have a new GP now and she sent my referral off the other day. So I've only been on the waiting list for those couple of days. Knowing that was kind just the final punch in the gut that made me write this, but I got my binder a couple of weeks ago, so my thoughts have steadily gotten worse.

    I can't blame it all on the wait, though. I've only just begun to recover from a serious depressive episode, so my head's not exactly stable. I guess I just need distractions and knowing I'm not alone. So thanks, Isaac; it's nice to talk to another Brit in my position.

    And thank you, too, Emma. I'm taking big breaths and I agree, plans do make me feel a little better.
     
  5. Aberrance

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    Damn, 2 years? >.< I know that about 6 months ago i was only a year but I didn't realise it was getting up to two now. I was thinking of getting a referral to Notts instead because I'll be there for uni, if it's that long I might do. Definitely keeping checking up with the private clinics then. I've heard good things about them and I've researched a lot into them too. Theyre just damn expensive. Just a tip, I think that transhealth requires less prior sessions with the counsellor (waving you time and money) than gender care. Don't quote me on that but I'm pretty sure I heard it somewhere.

    Its definitely worth keeping yourself distracted and doing things if you got out of a depressive episode then. I'm glad that you are now out of it. Im here if you need someone to vent to, man. All the transguys I know have either already been through the system or are having sessions at their GIC now. I'm practically with you every step of the way here. We'll get there.
     
  6. randomconnorcon

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    My GP said it was two years. We can hope the wait falls as they see others; I keep track of the websites. Speaking of, I should do that today...

    I've read up on Notts. I can't quite tell if they're one of the GICs who will take referrals from a local GP or from all over the UK, like Charing Cross does. If an NHS funded GIC elsewhere would take me, I'd be willing travel now that I can (potentially) afford to.

    Thanks for the tip. :slight_smile:

    I know, right. I only know one trans guy in real life and he's been on T for about a year or so. Which doesn't make me sad, but it is nice to talk to people on the same part of this journey as me.
     
  7. Nike007

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    Hello. This isn't about wait times related to gender, but I understand your frustration with wait times for health services. Like, for me to see a pdoc, I waited 4 months, but that was surprising because it should have been 6 months. Then I needed to get referred to a different person, and that took 6 months only to be declined until some stuff get sorted out. It has been a trouble for me to get the mental health services I need and all the wait times. I am currently waiting for an assessment to be done, which is only 2-4 more weeks, but it feels like forever. I just wanted to express understanding about wait times.
     
  8. randomconnorcon

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    Feel free. I know the feeling when it comes to mental health, too. So you're not alone.