Well i don't even get out of the closet... I have doubts if whether or not i'm *trans enough* to start HRT... I will love to live as a woman all the days, live as a woman and depending of the day being sometimes an hyper femenine woman and sometimes a tomboy... Always i think about HRT i think "yeah that's for me, i want that so hard" but always feel fear maybe for being out of my comfort zone, i have fear to been discriminated, i have fear to be *the shame of the familly*, and i start to doubt whether or not... I always read and watch videos about this subject and at the end of the day i always start to fell weird asking me questions like: "If i'm only a boy who don't like his penis and his physical appearance?" "If i'm only a boy who lke girls stuff and have fantasies about being a girl and live as a girl?" "I'm only an effeminate guy?" Can someone tell me how to examine this feelings?... i'm maybe gutted cause i have the fear that i will lose all my personality, sometimes i think i have no personality at all. And i don't know what to think, cause if you ask me 10 times that if i press a button immmediately will start the HRT... i will say yes the 10 times. and it's the same if you ask me that but instead of HRT it's living "with a functional vagina" or "having and androgynous body with no male signs" Another thing is that i always feel ashamed of this. Not for me, it for what the other people would say about me..
The only requirement for HRT is having dysphoria that would be relieved by the effects of estrogen (and yes, if you would feel more comfortable in your body on hormones, that counts as relieving dysphoria even if you don't generally identify what you're feeling as dysphoria). You sound pretty certain that you want hormones, so I suspect you have dysphoria that HRT would relieve. That's all it takes. You don't have to be *trans enough* and you don't have to have a specific identity. You just need dysphoria that will be relieved by hormones. In regards to the questions "If i'm only a boy who don't like his penis and his physical appearance?" "If i'm only a boy who like girls stuff and have fantasies about being a girl and live as a girl?" That doesn't really happen. Sure, there are definitely boys who fantasize about being girls and boys who don't like their bodies, but the combination of bottom dysphoria with a strong desire to live as a girl is a pretty exclusively trans thing to experience. There's a big difference between being a guy who thinks his penis is too small or unattractive or something like that and being a trans girl who doesn't want to have one at all.
Thanks this is my first question here... i was writing a reply a some hours ago but the page go down for a few minutes and lost everything... Yes the thing is: i feel that my body don't match with my inside, (i'm a very sensitive, soft and weak person) i don't like the masculine things like my penis (and stuff), hips, legs, butt and chest... i hate my body hair... I don't know what am i (i would like to be a feminine androgynous or a woman) but when i was pretending to be a man at the end of the day i always feel with my head stuck, (full of thinks and bullshit) i was living a monotonous life and a future with no hope, i was having zero motivation for anytihng... I always feel that i have to be the way i want to have a happy life, feel happy with myself and have enough determination to do whatever i want.. For other side when i was pretending to be a man i never liked the idea of having sex through my penis, i never felt that like something comfortable, i never felt excited or never have pleasure by the act of mastubatting using my penis... Other fact is that i think that i may have internalized transphobia but i'm not sure, i'm maybe more scared on the fact of dealing with discrimination (at my childhood i always suffer from bullying and it's something ugly)... Sometimes i feel that i have to puke all the rainbows that i have inside and not let that someone makes me feel bad anymore hahaha but i don't know :s
