I must have been about 7 when I first saw a drag queen, it was at Blackpool pleasure beach, a British theme park by the sea. I remember how intrigued I was and how much I really wanted to know why these women where dressed liked that. At first I thought nothing of it, I was young, and didn't know what a drag queen was... I just saw these awesome women with the most beautiful outfits I had ever seen. I loved the glitter, the feathers, the colours and the all round flamboyance! I don't remember how I found out that drag queens are men, but it confused the hell out of me. I was used to boys being grossed out by girls. I couldn't imagine why a man would want to dress up like a woman. It stuck in my mind and I almost became sort of obsessed with them. I didn't go out looking for them, but I would start seeing them everywhere. On the TV, in magazines, in posters advertising shows... just about where ever you can think! I remember when I started getting strange thoughts about it, I started to dress up more like a boy. I made website profiles with my pictures pretending to be a boy. I even had a gay Internet relationship with a boy as a boy. The more and more I fed these strange thoughts the more I realised I wanted to be a gay man. I came out as bi-sexual in high school. I suppose I am, I'm a little confused about my identity but I am comfortable as bi. I let my feelings towards women grow, I began to find them sexually attractive way more then I find men attractive. I had a girlfriend for a few years but we just drifted apart. Since then I have only ever dated men, not my choice, but they where all that was available and I didn't complain. (I'm very open sexually) I wrote a letter to my mum once, it said how I felt I was a boy trapped inside a girls body... I explained all my strange feelings and thoughts, how I always loved dressing up as a boy and pretending to be a boy in the playground. My mum turned round and said "No you're not, I would know if you where and you are not." I left it as that, and never dressed up as a boy again. I let my hair grow and started wearing skirts. I settled down with a man, we have a son now and we are quite comfortable. I no longer have a wish to be a boy anymore, but about a year ago I had a dream that made everything make sense for me. It was a dream where I had entered a RuPaul style competition. There where 100 men there, and one by one we where being judged and the looser had to go home. It had gotten to the final 10, and then I remembered I'm a woman. I started panicking because if someone found out I was really a girl I would be disqualified for being a real woman. I confessed to one of my rivals and drag friends, but instead of getting hateful they helped me win! Ever since I have wanted to dress in drag and pretend I am a queen! I don't know if its a gender identity thing, I just want to be a part of the culture. I don't have any drag friends or any other easy access way into it. I also don't think my partner would be too happy with me dressing like that. (He is pretty religious and even denies me being bisexual). I'm sorry if I have offended anyone because I want to be like you! I'm just really jealous and love how you express your selves in such a beautiful way. Thank you for letting me waist your time as you read this
