A recurring question I've had from my therapist is: "Do you think people really care as much about [your gender identity] as you say?" This is one of the main sources of my anxiety. I'm terrified that I won't pass flawlessly and thus will forever be seen as "a trans person". I just want to be seen as a person - me identifying as trans barely matters to me at all. My feelings of not wanting to live in a male gender role and not liking the masculinity of my body are feelings I care about quite a lot, but my trans identity is something to utterly insignificant to me that I'm just scared out of my wits about people looking at me and just thinking "trans trans trans trans". Rant, rant... Question: What do you think; do people care or am I exaggerating when I think I'm forever doomed to be a political discussion on two legs until the day I die if I transition?
Honestly I have the exact same problem. I'm working with my new therapist I started seeing and hopefully I'll be able to not see things that way eventually. I think that a lot less people care about our identity than we think. When I see people stare at me for more than a second or two on the street I used to get really upset because I would assume they can tell that I'm trans. I'm now trying to think positively about it, I'll tell myself it's because the people staring think I'm hot, or I have nice clothes on or whatever else. Just to try to inject more positive thinking into my life. I've been out for a few years now and over those years I've thought so many people care that I'm trans but just looking back on it all I can tell I was wrong. There were a handful of times people actually do care and will cause you problems, it's almost unavoidable. The majority of people don't really care though. I've had people I barely know who are told I'm trans by someone else (that's a whole other story...) and they always say they had no idea I was. I think a lot of it is in our own head. We're all our worst critics, especially when we are feeling like we are constantly being judged.
People generally don't ever care as much as you think they do. And no, I don't think you're forever doomed to be a walking discussion. Don't be afraid of stuff like that, just be you and be you confidently. Confidence, I've learned, is honestly the most important aspect of passing. It's hard to learn, but once you figure it out it's awesome. Good luck, Stay strong<3
Most people have no idea that a trans person can even pass. All around us there are people who have both male and female features and no one ever thinks that they are anything but cisgender. People simply don't pay attention, they see clothes and they assign a gender to the person they are talking to and react accordingly. No one will see you as trans, they will see you as either a man or a woman and react accordingly, unless you tell them you are trans. Keep in mind that asking someone what their gender identity according to their looks, is considered pretty much a social taboo. The only people who ever do it are children and when they do, their parents shuffle their feet uncomfortably and apologize... I remember reading a story by a trans woman who said that at some point people stopped misgendering her pretty much all at the sane time. It wasn't a gradual process in which she first was seen as trans and only then as a woman. People misgendered her and then stopped doing so once she crossed a certain line. She was either male or female to them... if you want people to see you as anything but binary you need to clearly state it to others because people only really see what they want to see. With this in mind, our worst critics will always be ourselves. One of the hardest things is probably going to be to stop searching for signs that we don't pass and to fully accept that we are nothing more than the gender we identify as. (*hug*) Eveline
In my opinion the trans community is where the gay community was 20 years ago. We were just coming out of the closet. it has taken 20 years but now gay people are much more prevelant in the movies, tv shows and as a result public opinion is much more positive. Well, here you guys are...just coming out of the closet. More and more people are coming out of the trans closet and children of today are more likely allowed to be who they're going be. People are more accepting of other people that are different. As a culture we are more politically correct. Which is a good thing. Its gonna take some time but your generation is going to forge the path that will make it much easier for the next generation to follow. Just like my wife and I had to 20 years ago when we got together. Society is not there yet but it is coming along.
