So a while ago i asked what my gender was and gave a couple of ideas out, and well i think its changed again. I have found more and more that I want a new name, but when i try and use one, it just feels so unconfutable, i don't really know what to do with myself in this case. (TL: DR birth name is Jasmine, and name i have been throwing around is Elliott). I also don't really know what pronouns i want to use either, I know that she/hers feels weird, but there are times where im ok with it, and then He/his also sometimes feels weird. I don't feel comftable with They/them pronouns that much either. Next, my dysphoria has been majorly growing with my upper body, i find more and more that i cant stand my huge breasts when im out in public, however when im alone, i just stop caring, and think to myself that i don't want to get rid of my breasts, its really confusing. Finally, if this makes it any easier, i prefer presenting myself in a more masculine way, i absoutley hate wearing dresses or tops that are shapped in really different ways, and more and more ive been able to dress in the ways that i want, however for school our uniforms are strictly gendered, meaning in winter i have to wear a skirt for the whole year at school, while the boys can wear pants... Should i just try to stop caring?
It's easier to cope with top dysphoria when I'm alone. I can hardly now go outside without binder. I knew I wanted male pronouns but before I was using them myself (speaking) 2 weeks have passed. And it was after writing day by day in male pronouns online. For a while it felt so ...wow... Somebody was using them when referring to me. You should dig some more to understand what you want. Cheers.
Pronouns are tough. I've been using they/them for close to two years now and it honestly still sounds weird. Maybe try some of the more unconventional pronouns or neopronouns to see if there's anything you like more, or see if you can change pronouns depending on what feels comfortable on that particular day. Names are sort of the same deal. Lots of shopping around and seeing what feels not entirely awful to be called. Dysphoria is largely created by social expectations. Because none of that plays into your personal life at home by yourself, it's totally normal to feel ok with that sort of stuff. Being trans is lots of other people making you feel uncomfortable, it sucks but it is what it is. Don't stop caring, that won't help you solve anything. You need to find what makes you comfortable in the long run so you don't have to just shoving things aside. You can and will find a way to be happy and comfortable. We're all here to help until then, stay positive!
You don't exactly need a label or try to define yourself, all of that will come naturally. If feel you like wearing masculine clothes, wear themselves. Be yourself and don't fret over the things you can't control.
