This is my first post, sorry if it's long. I'm a 21 year old biological female. I'm an aromantic asexual and have been since childhood even though there wasn't a word for until a few years ago. I have also used the term "agender" and "gender fluid" through these years. I have general anxiety disorder and bi-polar disorder that were diagnosed when I was 16. I went through a mountain of medication between 16-20 years old. I even OD’ed on Valium and ended up in the hospital because my heart stopped. That then lead to me being put into a mental institution. That's been almost 2 years now and I've got a good combination of medication that's unique to me. I have normalcy back to my life. Now, for the past year or so I've been researching F2M top surgery. I even got the courage to ask one of my lesbian friends last weekend that had the procedure done, how it went. I was set on getting it done. In order to do this, I wanted my insurance to pay for some of the costs, so I started to look at the prequalifications. I took screenshots, made notes and made an appointment with my very established primary doctor. My doctor asked me, "Is this is a step towards becoming a male?" "Are you transgender?" I said no. "Have you ever thought about being a male?" Yes. I am more masculine than most females. I don't like my breast but I don't want a penis. I'm "okay" with the parts I have now. Like I said earlier I don't really have a gender but I still by she/her because that's what I was born with. I recently found the term "transmasculine" and that seems to describe well. Anyway, I'm sorry this was long. I really eager to hear some feedback on this.
I mean, I'm a trans male and I don't want a penis. I'm fine with the down stairs I have, it does the job I need it to do, and the only time I feel it would be a problem is when having sex with other men. I am also, for the time being, more comfortable with female pronouns. I spent my whole life getting use to them so it stands to reason that switching to male ones will also take a bit of adjustment for me and my family & friends. Transmasculine. It means on the gender spectrum you are masculine but it doesn't mean you are a full FtM transgender. There are many non-binary folks who get top surgery and don't identify as transgender, but getting insurance to cover that would be near impossible. Most I know plan on going on T anyway so they just lie and say they are a trans male. If you don't plan on going on T, then I'm not exactly sure what to do to have insurance cover it. They'd most likely see it as a cosmetic surgery.
About the pronouns: I did talk to my parents about this. Now thinking back on this talk I had with them I had emotions that I hide. I told them I identify with male and female so they could use either pronoun they like. My dad then goes the made a comment, "We'll, you've grew up as my daughter and I will continue to call you as such." When he said that, I was mad at first then I was sad because I did want someone to recognize me as male. With the procedure, I know I'll have to battle my insurance tooth and nail, but I'm ready. I will have this surgery. I'll have a pile of documents from 3 separate doctors and files from a therapist. I've never wanted something so much. I was looking at binders last night, and I asked my mom about it. She said I could get it next friday and I'm so excited.
I understand. I never talked to anyone about pronouns. I simply came out as trans to everyone on Facebook and then never mention it again. Eventually I will have to recome out with more detail explaining how I came to the conclusion that I am trans. But since then only two people have bothered to switch pronouns, and one of the two half asses it. While male pronouns makes me uneasy it pisses me off to know that no one uses them because they don't see me as male. Binders are indeed great. And if you want the surgery that bad then I have no doubt you will get it! If you ever need to talk just leave a message on my wall
