I made a thread back a while ago about having anxiety, and I was linking it to my dysphoria. I took some steps to counteract it, but still haven't worked up to mentioning gender to my gp, just anxiety. Mainly because I don't know how to describe it, and there's a pretty big fear that I won't be taken seriously because although I get dysphoria, I still don't know what I am in regards to the gender thing... Which is probably why I should talk to someone I guess... For most of the time, I get social and physical dysphoria, and I prefer to pass as male. It's mostly a very neutral male feeling though, there's still a point where I feel indifferent. However today, and I seriously haven't felt like this in so long, I feel reasonably comfortable with being female. But... I don't know if this is a big thing. I can't tell if I feel comfortable because even though I do, I still look androgynous and could be interpreted either way. I still don't want to throw on a skirt or do anything drastically different. I can't tell, for this reason, if I just feel more feminine, or more female. My state of mind right now is very neutral. But dysphoria has just gone for the day, I haven't felt this in a long time, and it feels so insanely good. That being said, I do sort of feel like a guy who's having a fem day, or maybe somewhere inbetween.... I don't know how this makes sense. But I don't have a headache, I can actually think clearly and I don't have anxiety over how people are seeing me, and that just feels so good. After how bad dysphoria's been lately just :tears: I needed this day so much. It confuses me further, but at least so many negative feelings are (temporarily) gone. Does this make any sense? I don't even know anymore... If i could change my body now to male, I still would, without a second thought, but uh.... I don't know :eusa_doh: Dysphoria is gone today, and I feel not anxious and relatively more comfortable. So, yay?
Definitely yay! Having the occasional day where you don't have dysphoria is such a relief. It's exhausting to always be worrying about how people are reading you or feeling uncomfortable in your body. Having a day off from that is really nice. Having a day without dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean anything about your gender identity. Given that you said "if I could change my body now to male, I still would, without a second thought", I don't think you're feeling female. It's more likely that your gender hasn't changed and you just happen to be having a low dysphoria day, which means that you can be seen as female and not mind. If you feel like a guy having a fem day, I suspect you're right.
Yay is right! It's like being able to catch your breath. I say take it as it comes and don't over-analyze a brief respite in what is otherwise a marathon of anxiety. On days when I feel ok or not-so-shitty or somewhere on the spectrum of "good" about my body, it fucks with my head but my therapist said to treat those days as gifts. I'm still having a hard time with that word associated with it, so I'm playing with the idea of a "system reboot." (Yeah, nerd-level 1000) I'm trying to see it as my mind-body can only process so much before it needs either a soft or hard reboot and that's what those days are. Helpful?
Well... now that you've said that it makes it kind of obvious. It probably is more low dysphoria than feeling 'female'. It just threw me off to have such a sudden change after experiencing feeling so crap lately. I was starting to feel slightly more dysphoric yesterday in the evening, but this morning I feel more alright again. Still very neutral... Ohh, this makes sense. Yeah, it's helpful. I guess if the brain was to keep on stressing itself out like that... well, who knows. A break in dysphoria may just be some sort of defence... Thanks heaps for your thoughts guys :icon_bigg They're really appreciated.
