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Starting to feel.... abnormal.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by RavenTheRat, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. RavenTheRat

    Regular Member

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    Hey guys
    You're probably really tired of me posting in this forum saying "Oh I finally figured out my gender and I know it this time"
    well so am I

    I honestly don't know, and it's so weird for me. I feel like I'm some kind of abnormality because I really can't tell if I'm ftm or non-binary. Because I honestly just want people to see me as male. I wish I could be reborn as a guy. I know that for a fact. But at the same time, I feel like I... don't want to transition. The thing is, I'm not sure if this is because I don't identify as male or if I'm just afraid of transitioning, mainly because of my family... plus I don't feel like I have enough dysphoria to even qualify as trans. I get it, and bad, but those episodes are few and far between.

    I just... feel like I'm the only one who can't figure out their gender no matter how hard they try. :help:
     
    #1 RavenTheRat, Apr 10, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2016
  2. Systems

    Regular Member

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    Gender identities are socially constructed categories. This doesn't mean they're not real. Gender identities are very relevant to people, whether cis or trans, and a society without them seems practically impossible. Because gender identities are social and subjective, you can't point at anything for proof of really being what you say you are. We can only assume you're telling the truth in being honest about your identity. Not having a gender identity to point to is hard from what I gather, because people take that as not having a seemingly fundamental human experience (a tangible, explicit, permanent gender identity). Gender isn't that simple.

    Your experience is valid. It's your experience. Finding a gender identity that best resonates with you can be difficult or even impossible, but that doesn't mean your experience is invalid. A lot of trans people question their gender identity and don't find an obvious answer.

    You can identify in any way, or not at all. You can choose to identify as something else any number of times.

    Also, there are many non-binary gender identities, and I guess even semi-binary gender identities (the binary demigenders). You might find it comfortable to identify in-between male and non-binary. I'd look into the experiences of people who identify as (AFAB) demiboy, bigender, or genderqueer.
     
  3. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

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    Gender's hard. I can guarantee you aren't the only one who can't figure it out.

    My opinion, and the way I chose to define my own gender, is that if you wanna be a guy, you're a guy. If you want to be seen as guy and wish you were born as a guy, it doesn't have to matter if you don't quite feel male enough or anything like that. You're allowed to just be a guy. I spent a lot of time worrying that I wasn't quite male enough to be a guy and decided that it was causing more harm than good. I'd rather just say I'm a guy because that's what makes me comfortable than worry about whether I feel male enough or want to transition badly enough or anything like that. I'm not sure I want to take T, and I don't feel strongly like a guy, but I'm still a guy, and at this point I'm feeling pretty sure about that. (disclaimer: just because it worked for me doesn't mean it has to work for you; you might not feel comfortable defining your gender the way I do, and that's fine.)

    You don't need a certain amount of dysphoria to be trans. A lot of people will say you don't need any dysphoria to be trans, but even if that's not how you define your own transness, there isn't a required amount. Any dysphoria is dysphoria, and that is enough to be trans. I honestly don't have much dysphoria most days, although some days it does get pretty bad, and that's still enough to be trans.

    My main advice would be to try to worry a bit less about figuring out your gender and focus on just doing what makes you comfortable. I keep a journal of how my dysphoria is on different days so I can think about whether transition in the future is a good idea, but it was stressing me out so I took a break and for a while have just been focusing on keeping myself comfortable on a day to day basis. Try taking a step back from gender and figure it out a bit later. Consider recording how you feel each day and looking for trends and labels later, or even just try not to think about gender at all and just make sure you're doing what you need to be comfortable and not dysphoric each day, regardless of what your gender is. Labels are kinda silly and it's not worth stressing over them. If it's causing you more stress than it's benefitting you, just be you for a while and find the word to describe it later.
     
    #3 darkcomesoon, Apr 10, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2016