1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

friend isn't acknowledging my gender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by darkcomesoon, Apr 12, 2016.

  1. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2014
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I came to my college, I introduced myself as a nonbinary person who used they/them pronouns. I have a friend who's been really good about my pronouns the whole time (she took a week or so to catch on, but tried really hard, hasn't messed up since, and actually corrects other people when it's appropriate to do so), but I think she took "nonbinary" to mean "basically a girl". Now I'm out as using he/him pronouns, although I have not explicitly stated to her that I'm a trans guy, but she continuously implies that I am a girl in terms of sexuality, e.g. saying that me being in a relationship with a girl is gay or that my attraction to guys makes me "a tiny bit straight". It makes me uncomfortable, but I don't think she even realizes that it would be an issue, and I don't know how to bring it up. Is there a way I can subtly make it clear that I am a guy and would like the language used to describe my sexuality to reflect that, or a way I can correct her without too much direct confrontation? If not, does anyone have any advice on how to have this conversation?
     
  2. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    For some people direct is the only want to be.

    But if you want just tell her your bi/pan, and that no matter if you are with a girl or guy you are simply bi/pan and not gay/straight. Or just use queer for any form of sexual relations
     
  3. Aberrance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    990
    Likes Received:
    136
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Honestly, those kinds of thoughts don't even enter cis people's minds, especially when they don't really understand the term transgender. I'm sure she's not saying these things maliciously and being direct and just educating her on trans terminology and how gender and sexuality relate shouldnt have to be anything confrontational. Maybe bring up that youve realised that you're a transguy and no longer non-binary and take the conversation from there, bringing your sexual identity into things so she knows where you stand identity-wise. Trans people and sexuality is always a difficult one anyway. Stating your sexuality should make it easier for her to understand which pronouns she should use or even start off a topic like "So-and-so called me gay today because I'm attracted to girls and it made me feel really uncomfortable because I'm not female" and then go on to tell her how you identify. Then you're not explicitly mentioning her but she will pick up on your feelings about it?