...when you go to get your hair cut, and you bring in pictures and everything, and they STILL try and cut little feminine points near the front of your hair and into your sideburns - because short haired women want to look "spunky and fun"... ...or, when you put off going to the hairdresser's for months because you want to grow your hair long, and you have to put up with being repeatedly told to get a haircut so you look "handsome" or "professional"... ...when you are stuck with gendered bathrooms, and you're not sure which one to use, because you feel like a poor judge of your own passability... ...or when you opt to use a neutral or family room - and then feel that you've outed yourself as trans by doing so, because you doubt your own passability, and you just know that others do, too... ...when your shirts are too long in the sleeves, but too tight on your hips... ...or when your dresses fit well in the waist, but not on your shoulders - and are too short in the hem... ...the difficulty of finding size 6 oxfords... ...or size 14 heels... Maybe some of our struggles are trivial ones, but that doesn't mean they aren't frustrating. :dry:
When people ask you what you want for your birthday/Christmas and you happily say "shirts and jeans and ties and maybe a fandom t-shirt." And you get them a specific list of where to get them. Then all you get is a couple of t-shirts. Then why ask?
Hah, that's probably a well known video, but! It's a fun way to take on this topic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1h514E2Cew
I think any form where you have to tick 'male' or 'female' for anything. Also kind of similar to bathrooms, but gendered change rooms too.
When you try on female (or male if Ftm) clothes and you know they look terrible, so you never present as your preferred gender because looking good in cloths you hate is more comfortable than looking bad in cloths you love. Or when you really want to be open about your gender identity but you're not 100% sure that you can live with the consequences of transition, so you start coming out to people as non-binary just so you can talk about what's going on in your life or explain to your roommate why you have a bra and panties in your laundry without lying constantly.
When parents and some people in general keep saying to you things like: "don't do that/wear that/look like that, you're supposed to be a girl, girls are supposed to _____, not _____" or "you're a girl, so act like one/you're a girl, so look like one, you're supposed to do this and that but you're not supposed to do that other thing and look like that" Me: ??????? :dry: There are actually so many things generally not right with those kinds of statements I don't even want to start. (And I'm guessing it's just as frustrating vice versa for trans girls.) What's even up with these kinds of sweeping statements still making their way around?
Alder, I think those statements are still going around because most people don't know a trans person and default to the gender binary as they know it. It takes time for new ideas to spread, it took 30 years of celebrity visibility for gay's to be accepted by the majority of people, and the people who reject it are fighting harder than ever. Even if you say the aids crisis set lgb equality back a decade, we have another 10-15 years of fighting before trans equality is the law of the land. It might happen sooner but if it does we should consider ourselves lucky.
Even if there were no trans people involved though, those kinds of statements are still ridiculous. Cis or trans, people shouldn't be told what they should look or act like based on their gender.
You're right, cis people shouldn't be told how to be. But evolution isn't fair, and you have to look at those parts of society as evolutionary leftovers from a time when people cared if they had a strong son because it meant growing more food for winter. 200 years ago the survival of a family hung on everyone fulfilling their role and society evolved to enforce those roles. Genetic females got a little slack in cases where toughness was appreciated but they had to put the dress back on when it was time for church, and nobody had any use for a trans girl. It's true that many societies have 3 or more genders and it worked fine, but when has politics ever been about anything other than popular opinion and blaming someone unpopular for all your problems? So that's the battle we're in, fighting for our right to exist in a society that judges our value based on antiquated social roles, ancient superstitions and a convenient interpretation of a holy book written by half crazy desert dwelling nomads.
When you have your hair cut in a style that is in fashion among men, but everyone suddenly thinks you're trying to suddenly be an edgy lesbian and not the fashionable gay guy you are. ---------- Post added 14th Apr 2016 at 04:02 PM ---------- That first part though....so true. I know I look awful in men's jeans, so I do sometimes wear female jeans. But then I worry what the people who know I'm trans will think so I go back to the male jeans. And then I'm just sucked into the anxiety of what everyone is thinking.
When your teacher says "Will all the ladies please stand up" and you know you gotta And chorus Just chorus
That's why I've chosen to start describing myself in terms of where I'm at today (non-binary) instead of where I hope to end up one day (living as a female full time). First off I'm not convinced I will ever be able to really live as a female, I have alot of social anxiety anyway. And I've always liked a butch look, ive alwAys loved alot of nerdy guy things I just feel like my body should be feminine, if I could have chosen I would be afab. And I'm not ashamed to say that right now it's just easier to throw on some panties that make me feel sexy and then men's cloths outside. I'm slowly accumulating a female wardrobe, learning makeup and growing out my hair but even after I start hrt this summer I'm not sure I will do more than mix and match for now. But alot of this comes from having been through the straight-cis lifestyle and losing my family when my ex found out I'm attracted to men, and then deciding I'm gay, then realizing trans, and now I'm just like "Fuck defining myself to others, I need to figure out what I am for myself. Then I'll let you know."
when your mom says "it's ok to be confused" and "lots of other girls want smaller breasts" when your annoying choir teachers says "women" and "men" in reference to altos/sopranos and tenors/bases
When you have to wear a uniform that corresponds to what society assumes you identify as and if you wear the uniform of the opposite sex, you will get in trouble and be sent home.
I can't believe this is still a thing tbh. I mean, uniforms are okay I guess, but a school shouldn't have the power to also tell their students what they have to wear exactly, even if it makes them uncomfortable. I don't understand why it matters if someone's still wearing a uniform... I went to schools luckily where people could always mix anyway (there was actually a guy who used to wear a skirt in sort of a "kilt" fashion who was in a band. And heaps of girls wore shorts and pants year-round), so being so strict about gendered uniforms is sort of strange to me Schools really need to get rid of this...
When people MUMBLE something incomprehensible instead of using your correct pronoun in a sentence in front of you. Like, "Hurry up, Sam just told me that mumblemumble is late for work." They don't want to openly misgender you, but deep down they can't just accept your proper pronouns either. So frustrating. Can't even call them out on it.
"Don't imitate your dad" "Could you be more... girly? Feminine?" ... when you wear a hot pink bra to be more feminine, pair it with a ripped band t-shirt and your mother almost gets a heart attack... "Excuse me, sir! Sir! You dropped it. Excuse me... Oh... I'm sorry, madam. Your glove." :eusa_doh: "Good morning miss" *le sigh* ... *stare* *blink* *blink* *looks for boobs*... The phrase "female alto". ... when you meet a nice guy and you get to know he sees you as a girl and also almost gets a heart attack about your masculinity at some point...
@Jiramanau: Yeah, I understand why people still make broad sweeping statements like that gender-wise/gender-role wise. I guess I am kind of frustrated though, that it still happens. I suppose progress is progress and it's happening in some areas, just pretty slow. We have to keep fighting for it though. And I believe we'll get there some day. -- A few other small frustrations; When you don't have a binder and can never bind flat enough. Or when everything starts hurting when you bind so you have to take a break for a few days and overdo it with the layers and jackets on top. Can't wait to be able to buy an actual one.
Feeling like a shrimp. Passing until I have to speak. The worst is asking your girlfriend to order food for you at a restaurant.
-When your binder doesn't fit right under a shirt. -When people say the 'right' thing, but with a mocking tone (i.e.: "you look so handsome today!"). -Finding any shoes in size 5 (23cm)! - When my gay friend makes comments about "you know~" but they're anatomy comments and I don't have that anatomy.
