I've got a confession to make. I get so fucking jealous about other trans people on hormones. But it's nothing compared to the envy I feel when someone figures out they're trans and gets to start hormones within a really, relatively short period of time (like they figured out they were trans and literally start hormones a couple months, weeks later), like a lot of my friends. I know I shouldn't feel like this. But it's hard not to feel bitter when I've been waiting a little over three years to even get close to starting T. Between financial issues, health scares, and living situations, it feels like every time I get close to starting, all opportunities are yanked away from me. I'm only hoping and praying that I get to start before the end of this year. Because frankly, everyone, I'm losing it. I'm really, really dysphoric and depressed. As I get older, I'm losing the ability to pass for a young guy. Anyone else in the same boat?
I havnt been waiting anywhere near as long as three years, but I understand the jealousy. I guess you should remember that when you get on hormones, people who are in your situation now will feel jealous of you too. Why can't you get on hormones sooner?
Seeing as in the UK we go through the NHS gender clinics for transition the wait at the moment is about 13 months for the first appointment (in Leeds its 4 years) and probably about 6-12 months until you can begin hormones so yeah it's free but I'm completely in the same boat about waiting. Even the private clinics have at least a 6 month waiting list for first appointments. Its just about having distractions. It makes me feel better if I buy myself a new shirt or jeans because I'm giving myself some kind of validation but thats an expensive kind of therapy. Try to give yourself something to do like art, writings, sport, when you start getting frustrated and dysphoric to try to take your mind off it. Of course it's going to be difficult but sitting a mulling it over will just make things worse. Maybe making a list of dates of things you want to have things done by will help? E.g. got x amount of money to go towards hormones by the end of June, something like that because then you've got stages to work towards.
Sort of in the same boat here. I wanted to start high school on hormones, but life doesn't always work out the way you want it, y'know? I mean, yikes, it's not only trans guys. I find myself glaring at cis guys too, haha. Really get how you feel, man. You aren't alone in this. I used to use belts to bind, too - my dysphoria was pretty bad, but strangely enough it's changed over the years. Maybe it's because I got a proper binder, dunno. But even when I lost that binder for a while I never really felt that sort of dysphoria again. Still trans, still irritated that my voice is high as hell and I have tits and shit, it just doesn't really bother me that much anymore, y'know? Somewhere along the line I actually started to think of myself as just a guy. A cis guy, even. Just a really feminine-looking cis guy who gets mistaken for a girl a lot. Annoying, yeah, but something I feel like I can joke about. Might be delusional, but hey, s'long as I don't feel like shit, whatever works, right? How old are you, by the way?
Hey, thanks everyone. Just glad to see I'm not alone (but not glad that any of you have had to wait. I hope you all are able to get on hormones and move forward soon). For reference, I'm 21. I've been out of the closet and living full time since I was 18. My town's pretty small and while I live in a pretty accepting state, it's been hard to find local resources. I had problems with insurance, which made it hard for me to find a gender therapist. I've had several major set-backs that delayed seeking out therapy, getting on hormones or anything- job changes, moving between states, and health problems. The couple times I have landed a gender therapist, they were really unethical and shady (one gender therapist actually told me to visit a gay bathhouse in order to "get over" a recent sexual assault and basically told me she wouldn't let me go on hormones until I established an exercise routine, another was super religious and expensive). I'm now legally male, with my name and gender changed with my state and with social security. So the only thing keeping me back from feeling like I'm living a full life is my physical dysphoria. Everyone who knows me knows me as a man, I've been using male facilities for three years. Completely full time. I used to pass maybe 70% of the time and now I'm down to maybe 30% because I'm getting older.
It's been about a year since I started thinking about hrt, about 2 months since I first contacted the doctor and I have 3 months till my first appointment. I could have gotten in sooner but I had alot of reasons to do it then, one of which is that I'm doing informed consent and wanted to take some time to think about it more. A few months or even a year isn't a big deal unless you're still in puberty, but the changes from hrt require alot of time, money and pain to undo
I feel a bit bitter over people that know they're trans earlier on while I only figured it out within the past 3 years. I wish I had an understanding of LGBT stuff earlier on in life, while I do partially blame that on my mum's end for sheltering us growing up. Maybe if I knew this stuff earlier on in life, I might have had my stuff together much earlier on instead of floundering and not knowing why I always felt wrong about myself. Though I do hope on starting the process of starting hormones sometime before the end of the year...
Is it possible for you to go on hormone blockers in the meantime? I'm not completely sure they would work at your age, but ask around and I'd bet you could find some advice on that. My doc said they can make you grow a bit taller aswell (I've grown 2 inches and still going up since starting) Also no more shark week and second sex characteristics growing any more. So I'm guessing they would work?
I...no. Don't think that's an option. Especially because I stopped growing when I was like 18... And by the time I got on blockers I'd probably be ready to get on T too...
I didn't realize some people started that soon after realizing they were trans. I plan on waiting til at least late this year to start hrt, which will put me at about a year since I realized, and I thought that was moving pretty fast. I'm sorry you're having all these struggles. For me, it's more an issue of making sure I won't regret anything, so I'm forcing myself to wait a bit. So I guess I'm like Cedar where I end up being jealous more of people who realized earlier, or are more sure of themselves than I.
