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Trans with no dysphoria whatsoever as a kid?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by intherye, Apr 16, 2016.

  1. intherye

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    I've read about trans people who didn't know they were trans as kids, or who didn't know you could be trans, or things like that. But is it possible to be trans without experiencing any gender-related discomfort before, say, age 14?

    As a kid, I knew people had 'sex changes' and would sometimes wonder about how that would feel. I also remember at about 9 telling my friend I wished I was a boy. Other than these two things, I never thought about gender as a child, was perfectly happy wearing dresses, and tended to relate myself to female characters in books and films. I even remember getting my hair cut age about 7 and worrying it'd make me look like a boy. I did have a sort of depressive period of about six months at the peak of puberty, when I was eleven or something, where I cried a lot and felt really empty, which I suppose could potentially have been about my body changing and dysphoria but I certainly didn't think it was at the time. I don't even remember what my body looked like before I started questioning my gender last year.

    Is it still possible for me to be trans? I ask because my friend told me she wished she was a boy as a kid, and had a 'boy name', and she doesn't identify as a trans guy or anything like that now, so it made me question my legitimacy identifying as trans* and things like that.
     
    #1 intherye, Apr 16, 2016
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  2. Irisviel

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    Yes, and you can read that even in medical books - like, DSM-5. There are described early and late onset gender dysphoria... and also by the experience of people such as myself - I haven't felt any conscious dysphoria until somewhere past being 21 yo.

    Not to mention most people seem to realise dysphoria during puberty, and you are exactly in that place.
     
    #2 Irisviel, Apr 16, 2016
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  3. intherye

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    Sorry, but what is DSM-5? But thank you, that helps a lot! <3
     
  4. Kodo

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    It's very common for trans* individuals to experience dysphoria later than childhood. Think about it, when we are children there is significantly less "gender segregation" and physical difference between boys and girls. Most of what bothers trans-people is a result of puberty (specifically that it is the wrong puberty). Gender expression, like whether you enjoy dresses and makeup, are not indicative of your inherent gender.

    To answer your question above. The DSM-V stands for "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders; Volume 5" and is the official and most up-to-date (2013) diagnostic text used by psychologists in the USA.
     
    #4 Kodo, Apr 16, 2016
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  5. Irisviel

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    DSM-5 is:

     
  6. thepandaboss

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    Absolutely. I wish I had something a little more substantial than anecdotes but I was the same as a kid. And I think it's a lot more common than what you hear about from the media.

    The truth is, we don't all know from the time we're born. Some people don't figure things out until puberty. Other people might not even really know until they're past their 30s or 40s. Nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make anyone "less trans" or less legitimate because they didn't know what being trans meant or that their gender was any different from what they first assumed growing up.

    I was pretty sheltered. I didn't even really know what a trans man was until pretty recently and I didn't figure out I was trans until I was eighteen, even though I kind of knew what a 'sex change' was.

    I was kinda feminine as a kid. Wore dresses, had a bunch of stuffed animals, liked flowers. I remember wanting to be a boy a few times but I never really actively pursued 'acting like a boy'. In fact, it really wasn't until I hit puberty that I really felt off. I was severely depressed and anxious for years. Had a lot of trouble connecting with people and I was pretty suicidal. Had problems recognizing myself in the mirror. There were times I would get dressed and wonder where the hell my dick went, only to kind of think "Wait, what?"

    I fully believe puberty's really when most people figure out something's off, even if they don't know how to describe what's really going on internally. Children are pretty gender neutral if you think about it, at least as far as how a kid looks. Girls and boys both have high voices, androgynous features- it's really not until puberty and that initial rush of hormones that kids really seem different and gendered (beyond cultural influences).

    So it would make sense that for a trans kid, a lot of kids might not necessarily have a clear concept of gender until they begin experiencing puberty and they realize that something feels really, really off.

    I'd give this a read if you can. Matt Kailey (RIP) was in the same boat for a while- he was a trans man who didn't figure out he was trans until he was forty-two years old and he was actually femine presenting until then. He talks about figuring everything out in that book I linked to.

    Hope that all helps.
     
  7. Lazuri

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    Kids don't really differ much from each other physically so it's not uncommon to start feeling dysphoria around your puberty because that's when your body and the bodies of those around you start to become different and everybody starts sliding into gender specific boxes.

    I know I've been trans since I was very little, but it didn't bother me much when I was just a kid since everybody was so similar to me.
     
  8. Matto_Corvo

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    I was 22 when I figured it out. And I was 14-16 when I can clearly remember first feeling it.

    So yes, you don't need dysphoria as a kid
     
  9. Jellal

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    I wasn't consistently expressing my desire to be perceived as female until I was 13/14.
     
  10. Daydreamer1

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    While I knew when I was like four, not everyone has a similar experience. It's not uncommon for people to know until much later in life.
     
  11. jaska

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    Yeah I was like this too and then it changed at the start of puberty. You're definitely not alone.
     
  12. intherye

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    Yes that's true, thank you very much!

    ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2016 at 07:50 AM ----------

    Our experiences sound very similar so that helps a lot! I don't think I'll be able to read the book, living at home, but I spend ages browsing his website and it was very interesting! Thanks :grin:

    ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2016 at 07:51 AM ----------

    Our experiences sound very similar so that helps a lot! I don't think I'll be able to read the book, living at home, but I spend ages browsing his website and it was very interesting! Thanks :grin:

    ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2016 at 07:52 AM ----------

    Lost the willpower to respond to everyone individually haha but it's so good to know I'm not the only one, I feel a lot more secure! Thank you all :grin: