What if I'm not really trans?

TONS of trans people don't figure out they're trans until they're adults. I personally know a wonderful woman who didn't figure out she was trans until she was 46 years old. And that's okay. There is no age requirement for being trans, no matter what anyone says.

You can 100% DEFINITELY identify as trans, even if it's a relatively new things. People change all the time, gender changes all the time, and people learn about themselves all the time. It's okay.

 

You know, I feel exactly the same way about my bisexuality sometimes. I think this is what growing up surrounded by heteronormativity does to a person, but do you know what? Maybe, like me, the reason you haven't "known since you were a child" is because we are not *taught* about this kind of thing. We are expected to be straight and cisgendered, so when we realise that we identify as something outside of this, we doubt it. The thing is that the only person who gets to define who you are is you, and if you can ignore the thing about not having felt this way for your entire life, and focus on how you feel now and have felt in recent years, you're more likely to find an accurate answer. In reality, if you've been questioning your gender at all then that implies that you don't agree with the gender you were assigned at birth.

TL;DR Your identification is totally valid and I wish you luck if you decide to go through with the transition.

 

Don't worry about the age. People figure out or realise they're trans at really any age along the line. I didn't start to seriously question my gender until the older half of 16, yet I'm almost certain now that if I'm not a binary trans guy, then at the very least I am transmasculine in some way. So much of my life has not followed the classic/stereotypical narrative out there. I swear I can recall almost no instances of major dysphoria or signs that I'm trans from when I was younger; even if they were there, I must've either denied and ignored them, or they simply weren't recognised and present. It doesn't matter how much I tried to, and was almost able to, pull off being everyone's expectation of me to be a good daughter, a girl, because none of that disqualifies me from having come to an understanding (or some form of it, if not completely), with who I am now. No matter what your story is or how or when you figured things out, it's all valid.

Go with what you want for yourself, your social life, and your body. If you've been thinking about it and experimenting and figuring out your gender for a while now, I don't think you're cis. This doubt is so common though, so don't feel bad about it. I still have doubts sometimes that go somewhere along the lines of, "what if I'm making this all up and I'm actually cis?" They really make no logical sense in hindsight, but it's so normal to have these doubts.

There is no need to overthink anything; this can all be scary, but go with naturally what you want to do and what is going to make you feel more comfortable with yourself and your life. There aren't any checklists you need to tick or a story you need to follow. It's your own, and however you want to identify now, what's important is that you're able to healthily work towards what will get you to a happier place with your gender, and understanding it.