My entire life I have never felt like a girl. I was a Tomboy from a very early age. I hated girls clothes, girls toys, anything really to do with girly stuff. I resented “these things” that were growing on my chest so much that fought wearing a bra as long as possible. Before I cut my hair short in the 4th grade, I would always play around with it to see what I would look like with short hair. After I cut my hair short I was called boy everywhere I went. Every time this happened I would feel shame and embarrassment for my parents. In the 6th grade when I personally excepted that I was gay I told myself that it was ok because I would never be more than gay. I would never be the girl that wanted a penis. That was too much and went too far. I WAS NOT that way! My freshman year of high school I was desperately trying to hind that I was gay to disastrous results. The more I tried to be girly the more people thought that I was a guy. So naturally I came out as gay and cut off all my hair again. I have always worn guys clothing even when young I would fight my mom every time we went clothes shopping. I was comfortable with my short hair and guys clothes but still left uncomfortable everywhere I went. I dreaded going to eat and the waiter addressing me as sir, or going to the bathroom in public. When people mistake me as a male most of the time I try not to correct them because it just made it more embarrassing for the both of us. Despite all of this when the thought would of being male would cross my mind I would deny it whole heartedly and just tell myself not to think about “that”. I had convinced myself that I was happy being a butch lesbian. Needless to say I was sitting in a crowded airport terminal by myself with my plane starting to board and like a slap to the face I realize instantly that Im trans and always knew it. The memory crossed my mind then of mom telling 10 year old me that she prayed too hard for me to be a girl and I should have been born a boy.
I think you were always a boy at some point. Your mind does fucked up things when it comes to gender. For me, I always had a maternal instinct. I had the mother's intuition as a young boy. When I first thought i was straight, I went out with this girl and I found myself going to Claire's with her. I tried on the sunglasses and I liked it a lot. I used to even try one of my moms bras and thought I had a vagina. As a kid, I had a father who was extremely masculine and tried to tell me how a man should be. I have come to the point where my feelings truly came out and I have never felt any happier. As a guy, I was never truly happy with myself. I felt myself going through the motions and something felt right when I tried my first set of panties. Hell, even being called Natasha feels right. It is hard being in a closet full of guys portraying their masculinity. Somewhere in my mind, I have always felt like a girl, but I never had a chance to express it. I am doing little things to express myself right now. Tomorrow, I will wear my flats to school. Just be you. In life, you have to disappoint parents in order to be free. You already have defied your gender, but in order to be true, you have to break the chains. Just because someone has a penis doesn't mean their a guy, our society just portrays it that way because it is a social standard. You and I break the standards society holds by saying Fuck you to its face and stand tall ---------- Post added 18th Apr 2016 at 12:41 AM ---------- Oops, grammar fuck up. It should be they're.
Ironic, isn't it? High five. I give off an impression of a transvestite in women's clothing, so my mother forbid me wear it at some point She told me that she would never buy me a skirt again when I was 15 or so XD Then, I tried to be feminine and wore a pink bra ;> Nevertheless, I did it wrong, because the bra was showing through from under a ripped band shirt, and my mom almost got a heart attack. You should join that image with my manspreading, general masculine body language, combat boots, somewhat worn jeans, men's jewelry, an old leather jacket and messy hair, and you'll see why the pink bra is out of place. I have some problem with public bathrooms, women stare at me... Fortunately, I have a large bladder and do not need to pee often. I also thought I couldn't be trans because I did not assert I am a boy as a toddler, and I didn't want to be a boy. I was like... "They tell me I'm a girl...okey, I'll be a girl, I like jewelry and glitter". I hated boys, I didn't want to be like that. But I was like that and the thing was there since I can remember. I realised I'm different when I was 15.
Even with the ways we feel actually about gender or sexuality or anything at all, if it's considered 'abnormal' by society it's only natural to try and correct it to be that view of normal. The fear of being labeled different is sooo much stronger than anyone gives it credit for, kids just want to live life and be kids yanno?
I feel with you. Most kids are irritated and some ask if I'm a girl or a boy. Sometimes I think it's better if I was born as a boy too because things would be easier. To feel better at first, you might want to use mens perfum or work out.
