I need advice on how to go about figuring out my gender I am 16 and was born a female and identified as that for a while growing up. When I was a younger kid around 7 or 8 I was very tomboyish and have been on and off and never wanted to be super girly like other girls were, but I would play with some girly things like barbie dolls but preferred playing outside doing things with mud. I've had gender dysphoria on and off through my life, once for a period of time when I was 12-13 and this time started about a month ago. In at I didn't know what it was to be transgender or that it even existed or many things that were LGBT related, but I remember wanting to be a boy sometimes and covering my chest with baggy t shirts and basing all of my looks off of guys, but I did wear makeup. I hated skirts because they made me uncomfortable and I never wore anything but sneakers and combat boots. I also whenever I went to my friend's house I would have her dress me up as a boy, and we would go walking around town and try to convince people that I was infact a boy. I also used to try and lower my voice to match different male singers voices so I could sing along with them and constantly as a kid as my friends if I would look cute as a boy and always wonder what it would be like. For a while I think I pushed that down and started acting and being really feminine and wearing skirts and thought I was happy but I wasn't being myself because all of the dysphoria I had before came back up again. Today, I know a lot more about LGBT related things and almost a year ago have started identifying as genderfluid and I was okay with that for a while until about a month ago where I started having a lot of gender dysphoria about my body and my pronouns.Every time someone calls me she/her I always notice and have a hard time wearing makeup now even though I love doing it and wearing it and want to make a career out of it, I feel too feminine and it makes me feel bad. When I look in the mirror since I got my hair short I see more of a boy than a girl now. I also have a trans boyfriend (ftm) who before we started dating had been friends for two years and he recently got top surgery and when he was able to take off his bandages and able to show me his chest, I felt a little jealous. I have said in the past that when I'm older I might go through surgery and and get testosterone and fulfill that as a midlife crisis or something but it wasn't a definite thing. I'm kind of afraid if I do end up trans that my boyfriend will act differently, and just taking such a big step like that scares me, but on the other hand i'm not certain that I could be trans either because I don't hate being a girl, but certain things such as pronouns and clothes a little and my chest are affecting me and I don't know what to do or how to go about figuring out my gender
No one can tell you how to figure out your gender. Everyone is different and feels differently. There is no map on how to figure out yourself unfortunately. In my own personal journey I have gotten to know myself better over time. When I first came to the realization I was trans I felt more non binary. I was pretty sure that I passed enough as a man already that I would have no reason to have top surgery and take hormones. Now a year later I find every day I think about top surgery and hormones and how much better I would feel. The thing is though that slowly over time I came to the realization that I am a trans man. It didn't happen over night but I slowly pieced my feelings together and am still piecing them together. Every day is a new journey and every day could be the day that I find another piece. Like I said at the beginning everyone is different. I am sure that there are some people that just know they are trans and know exactly how they feel and what they want. When I first started learning about the trans world I was really looking for guidance and a road map. Someone that would tell me exactly what all my feelings meant and how to deal with everything. The problem is you are the only person that can tell you who you are and how you feel about your body. This is your journey, your adventure, and we are here to support you.
Hey Artsypeach, I just wanted to touch on a couple of things. I do have to agree with What If above. This is your journey. Nobody can tell you what to do. You will feel it inside as to what you should do. That being said, I can't stress enough how important therapy is during this part of your life. Though therapy won't straight up give you the answers your looking for, it will help you decipher your internal struggles to help you make the right decisions. I noticed that you wanted to, perhaps, wait until you got older to possibly get surgery and start on testosterone. Listen, I can't say that for you that's not a good idea. I can only tell you that as a 44 year old transitioning MTF person, it is SO difficult to transition later in life. You may THINK that it is easier because you are way more in control of your life than when you are younger, but it isn't any easier at all. It affects you in a lot of different ways. Later in life, you may find yourself in a marriage with children. It is not an easy thing to do to tell your spouse of many years that you love them, but want to be someone they have never met before. Depending on your child(ren)'s age(s), they may or may not be as understanding or accepting as you hoped. That's just in your own home. Outside your home, it will affect your job and your relationships outside of your immediate family (i.e. friends, parents, sibling and THEIR children). So waiting until you are older isn't going to make it any easier. Trust me on this. I'm living it right now. Basically, I guess I'm telling you not to wait if this is what you want to do. Which, takes us back to your original question of "is this what I want to do?" (quoting the phrase, not you). And again, only you can answer that. I can tell you that if you do come out as transgender, you can go at your own pace. There is no right or wrong way of transitioning. Nor is there a correct or incorrect timetable. Let's face it, you would be making this major life changing decision to make your life happier and more complete, and probably a whole lot less stressful and more enjoyable. How can you do that if you are not 100% sure that you are doing the right thing? You will experience self doubt along the way on your journey. It's natural, and "normal". In fact you may feel like you made the wrong choice and that you need to go back to the way things were before. And that too is ok. But before this get to be any longer that what it already is (sorry), let me just kinda sum it up by saying, take your time. Go to therapy (a trans-friendly therapist). And when you are ready, then begin your new life. You will be stronger mentally and emotionally, and happier. Just my opinion. I hope it helped in some way. Good luck and lots of good ju-ju going out to you!!!
