hello so i would like to say that i am not transhobic at all, i have a lot of it bred into me from hearning shit from my parents though, but lately i have been gender questioning and it has manafestid itself into my dreams, usually in weird ways but last night i dreamt that i came out to my mom and sister and they said they were happy for me but then continued to tell me "but everyone feels uncomfortable with themselfs grwing up" and "well if you want to be a guy you better leave everything feminine that you do behind especially cooking" (and i love cooking so much) but the fact that my mind made all that when i know none of it is true...whats wrong with me?
It's common to have deep seated fears or simply recurring thoughts to appear in your dreams. Besides, dreams should not be regarded as canonical truth. It's just neurons firing and your brain making sense of it all with a story or scenario. So if you frequently think or worry about coming out and your family's reaction (or possible transphobia) it's completely understandable that you'd end up dreaming about it. Before I came out, I dreamed about it too. Nothing is wrong with you. This is a natural mental and emotional response to your life situation, and it is very common. Also, please don't believe that you cannot pursue the things you love because it's "not proper for a man" to do. That is bullshit. Men can cook, knit, raise kids, like pink, tend the house, and do all the stuff society expects women to do just as well. Your interests and the way you express yourself do not make you any less of a man, woman, or person in general. It is sad that many trans-folk grow up around so much transphobia and strict black and white definitions of gender. There is nothing wrong with you for being trans. What's wrong is the lack of support and the hate trans-people get for simply trying to live. Stay strong, yeah? You'll get there, one day at a time.
Adding on, the dream doesn't certainly imply internalized transphobia. You may have had it because you're worried that your family will react poorly or dismissively when you come out, and you don't necessarily agree with the things they said in the dream. There are a lot of possible interpretations, and heck it may have not meant anything at all, it could have just been passing thoughts jumbled into a narrative. I've had a few dreams where I was bullied for being trans, by random people I dislike. I'm very certain my being trans isn't inherently bad and know I'm making the right decision by living as my gender identity, and just took these kinds of dreams to mean I wonder what could happen if I'm outed or am not accepted.
I had a dream recently where a transwoman was kidnapped and murdered - it wasn't me, because it seemed to happen in the US. It was pretty horrible, although at the same time rather abstract.
