Hey. So this is partly me ranting, and partly me looking for help. :help: So for the most part, I look fairly androgynous; I am a non-binary trans guy but people tend to assume that I am a girl. I'm 5ft, look young and wear a mix of "menswear" and "womenswear", mainly because it's easier to get short jeans in the "women's" section. I'd like to dress more masculine, wearing more male clothes and that, and (maybe TMI for the rest of this) I really wish I could wear boxers. I tried them on once and it just felt right. I can't buy a packer (will explain why in a minute), but I've made one with socks, and it felt right to have something there. The thing is, I live with my mum and brother. I'm kind of out to my mum (a recent thing) and she's okay but doesn't fully understand it. I'm out just as non binary though. She's okay with it, but I know she'd be uncomfortable with me presenting as male, so I'm finding it difficult to do that. That's why I can't buy a packer. I have a binder ordered, which is being delivered to my friends' house and I plan on wearing only in college and when I'm home alone. Buying boxers would be difficult because if she saw them in the laundry, she'd know they're mine. My brother is 6, so they can't be his. So yeah. I'd like to wear those things and use little things like men's deodorant and whatnot, but it's just... difficult. I'm finding it difficult not to be able to express myself as the gender I feel I am, and it feels like there is a weight in my chest. I'm doing as much as I can at the moment, but if anyone has any tips for expressing my gender in this situation, it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Why do you think it would make your mom uncomfortable? Has she said anything about it? I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just wondering why you feel that way. Sometimes the way we think people will react is a lot different than how it actually turns out.
You may have at least part of your solution already. You mentioned going to college in your post. I've never been to college myself but I have heard about people reinventing themselves when they attend school away from home.
She still uses female pronouns and I think sees my identity as a sort of expression. I get the feeling that she's just relieved I am not a trans guy (as far as she knows, I don't feel like any gender). You're right though, I could be wrong. I just feel like she'd worry that people would "mistake me for a guy", if that makes sense? ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2016 at 09:17 PM ---------- I wish it was that simple. I'm currently in my second year of college, and I still live at home, while commuting to college. What I mean is that I plan to leave the house, then by the time I get there, put my binder on and then take it off before I get home that evening.
Yeah I get what you mean, my dad still uses female pronouns and I think he probably sees it as a phase. And I know some parents who forbid their kids from getting haircuts or wearing certain clothes for that exact reason. But, if your mom isn't actually forbidding anything, I feel like you might be ok. Maybe you could get more masculine clothes and see what happens? If your mom really doesn't like them, you can always save them til you move out. Also as far as the packer goes, if you get one and have it sent somewhere else like your binder, I really don't think your mom would ever notice you're wearing one. (Though I suppose it could be awkward if she ever finds it sitting around.)
I'm in a similar situation, as far as I'm at home and commute to college. I only wear men's clothing, and neither parent really has a problem with it. My dad seems not to know, beyond mentioning that he'd prefer I look more feminine (but he's very traditional). My mom is aware I'm choosing men's clothing, and had some brief objections but has accepted that it's happening regardless lol. I just laid out the reasons why I thought it was better than the women's version until she let me try it, and then made sure to confirm that I liked it better. I'm sure my mom has noticed my underwear by now, but she hasn't said anything. I went to the store by myself to buy it. I do my own laundry and keep my clothing contained in the closet. I also wash my binder with the rest of my clothes. You could potentially wash it in the bathroom sink or the shower if this will be a problem. I wear mine before I leave and take it off when I get home; you could change at school if you don't want it on at home. For toiletries, I was choosing unisex or un-scented items for a while, and then one day just started picking out men's items. I think at one point I had mentioned to her I liked the smell a lot better than the floral women's stuff. I keep it in my closet or a closed bathroom drawer; no problems.
Yeah, that's true. She might actually be okay with it I have short enough hair and am thinking of getting it cut shorter. She originally wasn't happy about me getting it cut- I went from hair down past my shoulders to a pixie cut- then to a shorter cut- but she's pretty cool with it now! Yeah, true the only thing I'm worried about is finding the packer :lol: I might start wearing one though :icon_bigg thanks!! ---------- Post added 24th Apr 2016 at 10:26 PM ---------- Yeah I might start keeping my laundry separate- I don't think she'd have a problem with that. The toiletries thing would also make sense- I actually do prefer the smell. Thanks for your help! :icon_bigg
