So amidst all of the bathroom bills being passed or thought about, and targets disapproval of them publicly, there have been some issues with members of my family with whom i am very close to. It seems as though from what I'm reading on facebook, that these family members are outright rejecting all of this. Now, that part of my family is fairly liberal, so I didn't think that I had anything to worry about. But now, I am extremely panicking. It seems to me that my parents aren't really paying attention to the fact that I told them I was trans. So I figured I'd give them some time. But now it's been awhile, and it just seems like they are ignoring it. Now I'm seeing all of these comments on facebook from the family that are combating all of the progress that target is making. And then, today, I had a hair cut. My parents got it shorter than I wanted it but still kept it sort of long (not really, but whatever) and the hairdresser is a close family friend of ours. Her daughter came in and was talking with us for awhile, and mentioned the bathroom bills in a way that proved to me how ignorant of the topic she really is, yet my parents still seemed to be slightly agreeing with her. I tried to maintain a neutral expression but am pretty sure I failed cause I realized that I had been clenching my teeth after the conversation was over. My thought that I failed seems to be even more proven by the fact that when we got in the car, my dad told my stepmom to remind him that he wanted to talk with her later, obviously not in my presence. So I just.... I don't know what to do. I feel like my world is being turned upside down and is crashing into pieces all around me. I thought like my family would have no problem embracing me as I really am, but now I think they will. The exact comment from someone was something like, "thank you, target, for allowing us all to use the same restroom. You have, in fact, created co-ed bathrooms, when they are not titled that and shouldn't be titled that. I believe that men should not be allowed in women's restrooms and vice versa. Men who 'think' that they are women shouldn't be in the women's restroom, and women who 'think' they are men shouldn't be in the men's restroom. We put in place segregated bathrooms for a reason." That.... I don't even want to think about that too much because it came from someone who I am close to. I didn't think I'd have to worry about that stuff from that side of the family but now it looks like I will. I have spent my whole life building up a reputation among everyone around me, and now it looks like it is all going to come crashing down around me. The marvelous reputation that I have created is all going to burn up in flames and splinter into nothingness all because of some part of me that I can not get rid of. If it was that easy I would've already done it by now. I've spent the better part of 6 years trying to get rid of it, and when that wouldn't work, hide it. As a result, I cut myself off from most of a social life. Now I have my parents telling me I should be more social dwelling with my own thoughts of loneliness and isolationism. I'm sick of being like this, but it can't change without me changing, but it appears that it won't happen now. I guess this mainly just turned into a big rant but if anyone has any advice on what they would do or what I could do in this situation, I'd appreciate it a lot. I just don't know what to do atm or even to handle this information. This became rather long winded which I apologize for. Thanks if you read all of this.
Hi, first of all I find it very brave of you that you already dared to come out! But if you really want them to know, ask them to sit down with you at a moment where they are not busy, and then tell it a little more detailed. Tell them when it started how it makes you feel, and don't be afraid to express it with emotions, for me for example crying makes people take these type of things more serious somehow, although when telling people the tears will come naturally though, so there is probably no need to force them out . But I don't know your entire situation, but since your only 15, I don't think male puberty happened to much if at all yet. So it would be best if you ask them if you could start seeing a psychologist and they will usually forward you to a gender therapist (or at least that's how it works in my country), I don't know if a psychologist is covered under health insurance, from what I read online it should be. Also on a side note, it is very mature of you that you already managed to admit it to yourself at this age, I always kept refusing it, which let to many self destructive things I used to do. So please don't follow my path but follow your heart!(*hug*)
I'm so sorry, sister. I was actually thinking along very similar lines today. My mother was talking about the bathroom thing with Target, and it saddened me how little she knows to have such opinions. "So basically they're saying anybody can use whatever bathroom they want? What about the dangers of grown men being in the restroom alone with little girls?" All the while I was standing there, silently clenching my teeth. I felt like a coward, doing nothing while my family jeeringly debased both me and all other trans-people. I have told my parents that I'm trans, but after a tangle of events, they now regard it as a "non-issue," seemingly forgetting everything I tried to communicate to them. I honestly wish there was a way to get through to people, but some simply don't care. Or at least they aren't willing to actually think about the things they say. I mean, since when did trans-people cease to be human beings? When did we become an object of senseless hatred and disgust, among everyone from family to complete strangers? It's messed up, granted. But there isn't anything wrong with me or you for being trans. It isn't something you could have controlled, and wanting to live is not a crime. Because when it gets down to it, we trans-folk just want to live, like anybody else. You deserve love and respect - if not from them, then from yourself and your true family. Don't let what negative or ignorant people drag you down. You're a beautiful, strong, and mature young woman. I'll agree with what was suggested before about discussing these issues with your family and looking into therapy. These things can only help with progress. And lastly, please try to find support in a friend - even if it's just ones person - because it can make a big difference in dealing with emotional burdens like these. Stay strong.
Judging from what you've just told us, your loved ones are uneducated and not bad people. They think this problem doesn't touch them, but if you make it clear that you're trans and it's not going to go away, then they might realize that things aren't so black & white as they seem to think they are. One thing that usually hits hard is to hit them with statistics; 41% of transgender people in North America attempt suicide at some point in their lives and in school, 78% suffer harassment, 35% suffer physical assault and 12% suffer sexual abuse--those numbers are awful and anybody who hears them and thinks that being trans is something that people choose is, quite frankly, insane. You can also inform them that the fear over bathroom bills is utter nonsense driven on by fearmongers and hateful people. There are plenty of places in the world where transpeople are allowed in whatever bathroom they are comfortable, supported by non-discriminatory laws and do you know how many times it has been abused for perverted purposes or otherwise? Never. Not a single case. To quote John Oliver; "it is a borderline imaginary crime, like dragon rustling or space bestiality--sure, it's terrible, but it doesn't actually happen."
Thanks for the reply. A lot of it was extremely easy to relate to, particularly this part. During the hair appointment, the daughter had said something along the lines of, "They shouldn't be allowed in there. There is a reason why we have family bathrooms. So that way we have the male restroom the female restroom, and they can just have their own bathroom, the other bathroom." That floored me. I'm pretty sure I even shook my head and winced a little hearing that in hindsight. It is sad that there are people who actually think that way. What's even more is how harmful it is to people. I can guarantee you when I start transitioning in high school, it is going to be Hell for me because of the environment that this is. It's so set in its ways and it's extremely negative. I mean, some of the senior quotes in the yearbook this year included, "disregard women, acquire currency" (which floored me the moment I read it. I couldn't believe it was even allowed in there), "you can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party" (this was the same person who blamed a kid for his sports referrals. This kid died this year in a stupid challenge, which this other kid was with him, so then got suspended for awhile, and had the audacity to say it was this other kid's fault) and "Jacked up trucks because you'll never hear a woman say 'look at that bad Prius'" Sadly, this kind of mentality runs throughout the entire school. A lot of these kids would be brutally murdered if they ever leave this area and say what they do on a regular basis, which is tragic. It's been awhile since I told them, so I'm thinking that I'm going to bring it up again, say that the school counselor said she'd help us look for any good counselors in the area, ones that have experience in gender, which she did say. But it was early on last month so it's not quite as recent as it would be. I have a couple close friends (2) who sort of understand it, but they don't really get it themselves and it just tends to get blown over and they are some of the best people in this school. Plus I get out of school in 13 days and the majority of my few friends all live outside of town, in the country. I have no car and my parents don't understand that I can't just go visit them whenever and that I don't have a lot of friends to begin with so that, however appealing it sounds, is rather impossible to achieve currently. But thanks for the advice though. I really appreciated your entire post. @Lazuri: Thanks for your post as well. I'll be sure to remember those statistics. They may come in handy. I think that it can be beneficial to take a step back and observe a situation objectively, to look at the bigger picture. Your post has helped me remember that it's not all about me, but also about them, and I thank you for that. I'll be sure to do some research into these places so I can bring them up if I ever get involved in a debate with somebody about this (I don't like to lose, so I like being informed as much as possible. Plus, in this instance, it would be hurtful to lose and have them continue in their ignorant thinking) Would you happen to know of any of these places specifically? It's okay if you don't. I was just wondering to kind of ease up some of my research. Thanks again for you post!
