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Im so confused about my gender identity!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by confusedmoon, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. confusedmoon

    Regular Member

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    Hello guys, first of all i hope you are fine. Also, I hope that you can help me or give me some advise. But from the start.
    I'm female and in my childhood I never questioned anything. I played with dolls, my parents made me wear dresses and I always had long hair. I knew nothing about any non-binary gender identities, probably because I haven't been on the internet at that time. So, when puberty started to hit me, I didn't like it when people told me: Thats nothing a girl would do, and stuff. Also I got on the internet and became more independent thinking. (I'm sure this wasn't right english grammar, I'm sorry). And then, when I was 14( Im 15 by now), it was more and more like ... sometimes it really sucks to be a girl. I never wanted to be a boy though. Then, I cut my hair off. It was one of the best decisions in my life. I felt so, so good about it. I started to have these days, when I was shopping and thinking about if i would pass as a boy. Some days I would be completely a girl again. Some, i don't know, anything in between. I got to know a transboy and he told me about binders and stuff. I did some research and thought it was kinda a cool thing cause my boobs freak me out so much sometimes. But I was too afraid of buying a binder, so I bought a two-size-to-small sport bra and omg, it felt so good. It is not a big difference but I thought its amazing. There were more days I ran around with boy clothes and wondering if i would pass. But im so confused because... I don't feel like I want a penis. I don't feel like im trans... I am just so confused about everything. A couple of days ago, I went to a concert with my mum and we met an old acquaintance of her and she said "oh, thats your son, right?" and my mum was like omg, noo, she's a girl! And I was like so happy and even more confused at the same time! Also a mate of my dad once told me I'd look like a tomboy, what made me happy as well. I dont know even why.
    So, thats it, basically. Can you help me?
    Thank you! :>
     
  2. Spot

    Full Member

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    Hi :smilewave

    I don't know for sure but it sounds like you're possibly genderfluid, bigender, a demigirl or genderflux. It also sounds like you sometimes feel agender (genderless, gender neutral) since you said you sometimes don't feel like a girl or a boy. I posted some links to websites with definitions in case you're unfamiliar with the terms. Good luck :grin: I hope I was able to help :slight_smile:


    http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Agender
    http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Genderfluid
    http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Bigender
    http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Demigender
    http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Genderflux
     
  3. Mihael

    Full Member

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    It's hard to tell from what you describe. Your expression is for sure not stereotypical, but I can tell just as much. Plus binding and freaking out about breasts is not particularily cis. But otherwise... *shrugs*
     
  4. confusedmoon

    Regular Member

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    Thank you much for answering, i will check out these links!
     
  5. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    According to your childhood, maybe your parents who seem quite strict raised you more girly so you didn't habe the opportunity to do what you want. Imagine yourself as a kid, what playthings did you secretly want maybe?
    For me, dysphoria is also very subtle. I didn't even notice that it was the real reason why I did countless diets to lose an unhealthy amount of weight (so my face would look more defined) or to damage my voice so it sounds deeper.