Maybe "doubts" isn't the best word for this, but I didn't know how else to put it. To try and make this as short as possible, it was a little over a year ago (February of last year, I believe) that I started thinking I might be trans. After a lot of thought, researching, and experimenting, I ended up accepting over time that I am. Fast forward to now, and I'm mostly in the same spot as I was after accepting it, just a little more open when talking about it to some. Over the past few weeks, I decided I was going to write a letter to my parents to come out to them. I'm still working on it, and it's brought out a lot feelings in me. Some of them is one I thought had went away, but has come back, that being fear & doubt. For some reason, I sometimes (like recently) doubt my feelings being completely genuine, like my mind is just making it up, and I fear coming out and doing anything only to later have these feelings go away. But then I think about the hatred I've had towards my body and being called by males names & pronouns, the desire be a girl physically, the joy I have when referred to as female or dressing up in women's clothes (no matter how awful I look), having an easier time imagining my future as a woman, etc. I wonder if that's all stuff my mind could just make up, and why it would. I had similar feelings when I was first questioning all this, and they started going away after I got my friends online to start referring to me as female, which I found much more enjoyable & comfortable. Is feeling like this normal for trans people? Is it not and I'm just making things up without realizing it? I don't even know what I'm trying to ask. I'm just hoping someone can say something to help me with this. I feel like I shouldn't even be wasting other's time with this, but I'm tired of hiding & suppressing feelings (as doing that put me in a bad spot for a while) and think asking this could help.
I completely feel the same way. I often doubt that I'm really trans because of whatever reason (I didn't play with 'boy' toys when I was little, I didn't always know, ect.) and feel like I've just convinced myself that this is me, but it isn't really. Sometimes I feel like I'm just making it harder for myself, "I could live my life as a straight woman, why am I making things so hard by 'wanting' to be a gay man?" Then I think of how uncomfortable I feel with my body and how people calling me 'girl' or 'young lady' makes my skin crawl and how I just can't picture myself growing up to be a woman and how now every other thing I think about is my gender. And I think that if this wasn't really me, then I wouldn't keep concluding that I was supposed to be born a boy, I wouldn't keep coming back to something that I know is going to make my life harder. I think a lot of other trans people feel this way also, so you definitely are not alone. I hope that helped, at least a little bit ^_^
I feel the same way. As time has gone on, I've just gotten used to it and assumed that yeah, I'm trans I guess, but really, nothing much has changed since I first realised I was trans. I have doubts about whether being trans is actually a real thing and begin to think that I must be a girl. But then I feel disgusted and weird and like a guy in a girls body and hearing people say the wrong pronouns feels like getting shot by arrows. Then when I think of myself growing up to be a man, I feel happy and optimistic and like I can amount to be a decent person and like my life lies open with possibiltys. I feel scared because I know it will be very difficult, and I'm not gonna be a typical guy kind of guy. But that's way better than my other option.... But the main indicator that tells me something is wrong is the body mind disconnect. It really does feel like looking at someone else's body. When I look in the mirror I am always perplexed at all the baby fat on my face and my small nose and mouth. In my mind I look something similar, but distinctly male. My feet should be bigger, why does my voice sound like a girl, I can't carry logs on my shoulders like my brother....If I stare at myself too long I get feverish and weak at the knees and upset and depressed. I think everyone has doubts a lot, because really, the only thing to prove it is your own feelings, so it is very normal that people have doubts when there isn't any concrete evidence they can just tick off on a form and then they're trans.
