Hey guys and gals, sorry if I post this in the wrong section I'm trying to find my around here. :lol: To start off: I've been questioning my gender since I was about 16 maybe a bit earlier but not realising it. But... I more so questioned it when I was 16. I'm now 19, going to be 20 in September, and I'm still trying to figure out my gender. Before all this questioning I was bisexual maybe even lesbian since I was a kid. I've liked females since I was around 8-9 years old. Now, I prefer females over males. Anyway, I've identified as FTM but now I might be more Genderfluid. The reason why is because I identify as "FTM" and "Agender" I prefer being referred to as "Male" specifically with people I know more. My girlfriend considers me "Male" and I like it. I always like He/Him and They/Them. I dress in the stereotypical male clothing and never female clothing because that's where my dysphoria comes from, as well as socially. I really fight with myself trying to consider myself "Trans enough" or not "Masculine enough" and just overall... accepting myself. I've thought about Testosterone and looked into it a lot. I know the side effects and complications. The problem is, I don't feel like it's for me. I like being read as male but transitioning medically is a huge step and I'm not used to making huge decisions. [I never really had to] I'd prefer to transition naturally without Testosterone. But I'm struggling because it's a long - complicated process and I don't know if it's worth it in the end - for me? Sorry if that doesn't make any sense. I want to read as male but I don't want to go through all the medical and therapist process. I guess I'm more depressed because in society males are supposed to be strong and stuff... My dysphoria is more social than physical. I don't enjoy anything stereotypical female because of well... dysphoria. Very rarely I get top and bottom dysphoria, I used to more often but not anymore. I don't get much dysphoria when I'm at home binderless because I'm at home and no one has to look at me. I bind in public because I feel more comfortable with a flat chest because I'm read "Male" in public. I don't get dysphoric over periods either. But, I do have this weird dysphoria where I don't like hugs because people have to touch me and I feel like people are going to touch my "Curvy hips" which is female... I've always suffered from low self esteem too. But, what gender do you guys think I am? Sorry for the long post.
That's difficult. You have gender dysphoria, for sure. You have a quite masculine gender expression too. Actually, all you've described is gender expression, maybe except for the fact that you've been questioning for a long time already. You don't need to transition medically - or transition at all - to be trans. I'm sorry i can't help more.
Thanks for trying to help! Yeah... my gender expression is masculine and I have dysphoria but it's more social like I said. Actually, when the people I'm not out to use my birthname it annoys me but doesn't give me dysphoria. My girlfriend knows what name I prefer and it's "AJ" which could be unisex? If she used my birthname I think i'd be dysphoric. So the people who would know about my gender issues and still consider me female makes me dysphoric and sad too. I do feel disconnected from myself - like being female isn't me. When I'm around my family I feel like I don't belong because I'm not being myself I guess.
