don't know what to do about school

I started the new year trying to come out at school. I have a group of about 10 people I sit with at school and a few of them are really good friends but a few of them I dont like and they make me a bit scared because they are very loud, rude, and say 'gay' as an insult a lot. They are the only friends I have at school a part from a couple of trans people I've started trying to become friends with who are in the lgbt group at school. Also no one in the group I sit with have dissed me or said anything that I know of and they have all been pretty supportive and most of them are pretty good at using the right name/pronouns. When I came out to them I asked them to go ahead and tell people so I wouldn't have to explain myself to others as much. But I don't think they did because everyone outside the group who I know havnt heard yet. So if they say my dead name or anything then I usually correct them and tell them that I'm George now. Usually they just say "ok, cool" but some of them have still not started trying to use my right name and pronouns even after I've told them. I only have one friend who I don't even sit with in one of my classes, but all my other classes I sit alone and don't really know anyone. There are several groups of people who I keep hear talking about me and they stare at me a lot. But aswell as that, almost everyone I pass just walking by seems to stare at me. As well as that, I've been shouted at and mocked several times by people at the school. It's really unnerving and makes me really uneasy.
Last year I struggled to go to school full time so I did correspondence school as well to help me catchup. This year my attendance hasn't been any better. The dysphoria is getting way worse and I'm still getting fevery episodes that last five minutes every hour where I feel sick in my gut and really hot and sweaty. ( I've told the doc but he hasn't done much except give me some medication to try which I've been taking for a month and it still hasn't helped). The dysphoria is really about everything, like narrow shoulders, small feet, chest, thighs, non-manly face, lack of body hair, voice and also the mental pain of being mis gendered and hearing my old name. About twice a week I have really bad episodes where the dysphoria is close to unbearable and I can't do much except cry, get really angry, lie in bed or usually just sit for hours staring at the floor trying to wait for it to pass. I also get really suicidal and sometimes really weird or terrifying hallucinations or/and delusions. I also find that Tuesday's and Thursday's are the hardest days to go to school for some reason, so usually I only manage to get to school about 3 or 4 days a week, often late.
A really big problem is the binder, though, and all the chest dysphoria. I get really upset that I have to wear it and how uncomftable it is and how it doesn't bind how I want it to. And the chest dysphoria is really bad and I can barely handle it most of the time. The only strategy I've found is just to sleep and hope I wake up and feel a bit better.

However, I may be getting to start T soon, but I have mixed feelings about it. I'm worried it will make kids at school stare and harass me more, that transitioning isn't going to help, and that friends will reject me because it will be weird if they're seen hanging out with a more masculine looking guy (most of my friends are girls). At the same time, though, I feel like it's either transition and have a good chance it might help...or stay unhappy like I am, maybe with a chance of realising I don't need to transition. I think transitioning will probably help, but I know it won't solve everything. Surgery in NZ is very hard to get for me, so that's not gonna be an option any time soon.

So my mum gets really pissed off at me when I'm not feeling good and can't go to school and she is saying I have to just get over it and not let it stop me from getting my education. I wish I could manage school, and I really DO try to go and I feel terrible when I know that I'm wasting my chances and ruining my future by not going. But it's so so hard and I really just don't know what to anymore and I've thought hard to find a solution but nothing seems to work. If anyone has any suggestions then I would be very grateful, because otherwise I'm not sure what's going to happen if I don't sort this out.

 

Apparently this term the peer sexuality support programme is going to do more education on transgender people and tackle the issue of bullying and generally just how to improve school for trans people. It sounds pretty promising.
Thanks for the reply secrets, I thought my thread had been lost. I actually feel a bit better about things than I did while writing that. It was more like just a big rant about stuff that sucks for me, which I think I've realised now is simply the dysphoria which is at the centre of most of my problems. Hopefully the T will help with that, and I've had more luck with making friends at school lately anyway, so things may be looking up. Thanks again, hope you're feeling ok too