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THAT question

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kiran, May 5, 2016.

  1. Kiran

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    Living more and more openly as a male outside the family house broke into the house. I'm writing this because there is a breaking point for ftm when people start to question. And zi hit it. I post it as a story, more or less.

    I had more male clothes (shoes, accessories) and hairstyles the last few months (even more since March), wore binder and even dared do so at home (before leaving). It had not generatef a question tho mother suggested I have something to tell her which I omitted (that could be also something different). Until I came back one day with a manly male haircut.

    I know I look better, but the passersby and clerks call me still Ma'am (usually). But that change generated a question from mother: Do you want to be a male? Taken by surprise I said nothing. I did get the prelude to what I will get when I come out: tears, it's sick, scorn and disgust in her eyes and showing off how she despise me whenever I look at her. I haven't expected anything else but the day before she was so sickeningly sweet how she can help me with the depression. Probably my grandma's doing. Because I go to the psychiatrist and take pills (lately).

    Ooops, I started hindering my CO plan with that hairstyle but... I feel better with it.

    I'm going to a psychologist in a LGBT organisation next week how to tackle the coming out to family and our relations. I've been working on my grandma too and so I will probably come out to her. It's a bit early but I might not have another good time soon (she stays in another town and it's hard to see 1on1). In 3 weeks I have another (second) visit on transition. I planned to do something after that but oh well.

    The point is: I don't regret breaking the limits accidentally (for now :wink:). I still have a plan and how to overcome hurdles. And I know I have a strong backup in friends. Life is good :wink:
     
    #1 Kiran, May 5, 2016
    Last edited: May 5, 2016
  2. Kodo

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    It's great that you're finding the will to move forward. This is always good news. I hope your family comes to support you better in the future.
     
  3. Kiran

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    Thanks.

    I wouldn't count on it too much given their bad attitude when I had my bi coming out. :wink:
     
  4. Kiran

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    It's almost time for my coming out. I almost finished studies and next Friday I have a talk with my grandma. I had my second visit already. I got several meetings with psychologist. I'm getting more and more prepared. :wink:

    My mother questioned me about binding (and touched my back to see if I wear a bra) but so far I got to fend it off.

    All my coming outs were stressful but went great. I'm scared the most about my mother. Somehow more than conservative Catholic grandma. Wish me luck this Friday.
     
  5. Hats

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    Good luck! Let us know how it goes! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Kiran

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    Thx, I will.
     
  7. Kiran

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    I didn't come out because my grandma was feeling too bad after coming out from hospital (it wasn't planned when we made a meeting schedule). We had a bit of talk on LGBT issues.
    She was fine with me on going to Pride, having LGBT friends, getting help from LGBT ngo (couldn't you get it somewhere else tho?). Let them live in peace outside my reach (meaning: I don't want anything to do with them) is her attitude.

    She said LGBT people are awful and not normal. And they shouldn't "promote their oddity in public".

    What was strange she didn't ask why are we talking about this. Or it isn't strange? Did she hope if we won't say it aloud she can pretend being clueless longer? Or does she really have no idea what was this about?

    Kinda hard situation. Anybody got similar experiences and how the coming out went? And relations afterwards?
     
    #7 Kiran, Jun 22, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2016